


Saudade

by ShittyFlangstWriter



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - College/University, Cheating, Derogatory Language, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, M/M, Minor Character Death, Not Beta Read, One-Sided Kita Shinsuke/Miya Atsumu, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Self-Doubt, Suicide Attempt, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-16 02:41:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 33,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29200023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShittyFlangstWriter/pseuds/ShittyFlangstWriter
Summary: In which Sakusa Kiyoomi and Miya Atsumu are meant for each other, but will they still find their way back together when an immovable force is against them?
Relationships: Hirugami Sachirou/Hoshiumi Kourai, Hoshiumi Kourai & Miya Atsumu, Kita Shinsuke & Miya Atsumu, Kita Shinsuke/Ojiro Aran, Miya Atsumu & Hirugami Sachirou, Miya Atsumu & Miya Osamu, Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi, Sakusa Kiyoomi/Ushijima Wakatoshi
Comments: 67
Kudos: 63





	1. And So It Begins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi!! specially to all those who came from twitter, i know i said that the last one would be my last multi-chap work but meh, this idea was just too good (or too cliché you pick lol) to throw away. so please enjoy!!

“Ya know somethin’ Atsumu, Osamu?” Atsumu looks up to Miya Izumi as she pats them on their little heads.

“That Chumu stinks?” Osamu says making his brother sticking his tongue out at him.

“No, no, my sweet boys,” she says laughing and regaining the two’s attention.

“Ya know how yer parents loved each other right?” she asks them both.

“Yesh?” they replied, doe eyes shining with the fascination that only a toddler’s can possess.

“They loved each other to their last breath, so ya’ll find yers my loves,” she says. The twins look to each other in confusion.

“More than I love Shamu and grandma?” Atsumu asks.

“Yes my dear,” Izumi replies. Atsumu hadn’t known what she had been saying before, but now, looking at the man in front of him. The light from the rising sun shining through the windows, bathing him in the yellowish light of the morning.

“Get up, Omi, first day of class,” Atsumu says, running his fingers through the curly black hair.

“No,” the other grumbles, wrapping his arms around Atsumu’s waist.

“We have to get up, Omi,” he insists.

“Kiss first?” Kiyoomi says, jutting his lip out, his sleep filled eyes staring sleepily at Atsumu.

“Alright,” Atsumu says, pulling the other by the back of his neck for their lips to meet.

“Good morning, love,” Kiyoomi says, his deep voice turning airy from unuse.

“Good morning, baby.”

===============

“This is my stop, thanks for droppin’ me off, baby,” Atsumu says, leaning over the console to kiss Kiyoomi goodbye.

“We have dinner with my parents later, alright?” Kiyoomi says.

“Yeah I won’t forget, plus, we’re goin’ home together later ya know?” Atsumu laughs.

“I do, history says that you’ll go drinking with the volleyball team later,” Kiyoomi retorts.

“I hate ya," he replies, knowing he already lost.

“No, you don’t, I love you,” Kiyoomi says as Atsumu opens the door of the car.

“I love ya, baby, see ya later. Have a great first day,” Atsumu replies, shutting the door behind him and waving goodbye to the man inside.

“Ew,” he hears from behind him. He turns around and was faced with the friends he and Osamu had since they were children.

“Hey Sachi. Hey Kourai,” he says, waving to them.

“I see you had a good night,” Kourai says, rolling his eyes.

“Do I have to remind ya that ya have yer own boyfriend?” Atsumu asks, gesturing to Sachirou.

“No, you don’t I got dicked down pretty good last night, I can remember for a few more days,” he smirks making the other two groan.

“Come on, ya little seagull, we have class,” Atsumu says, pulling at Kourai’s shirtsleeve.

Today was the start of Atsumu's last year in college, he had been going to Todai for the past year now. He, along with his brother, his boyfriend and their other friends are currently part of the volleyball team. They had bagged third place last year, but this year, they were determined to bury their rivals in dust.

A little something about their closest friends, Kourai and Sachirou have been betrothed to each other to unite whatever business they had, Atsumu forgets. But no one, save for him knows about them, only having found out when he walked in on them kissing one time in high school after they lost their semi-final game. Since then, they have gotten closer, leaving Osamu to find his own friends, it wasn’t anything bad, if anything, it was the exact opposite as it had brought Kiyoomi and Atsumu together.

They had known each other since they were in middle school but only ever getting to actually know each other because of Kiyoomi and Osamu’s unexpected friendship that started in their first year. He and Kiyoomi have been talking since second year and have grown to like each other as time progresses. For Atsumu’s graduation, Kiyoomi went to visit him in Amagasaki. That day, he had asked Atsumu if he could court him. For nearly two years now, they have been calling each other their boyfriend and they have never been happier.

Tonight, he was meeting Kiyoomi’s parents, the owners of a multi-million-dollar business. After months of hearing about them, he was more than nervous for whatever was set to transpire tonight. So he waits, both in dread and excitement, as the day goes on. When Kiyoomi picks him up, in front of his building, he boards the car, trembling with both nerves and elation.

“Is this too much?” Atsumu asks, standing in the middle of the room wearing a black long-sleeved turtleneck, and beige skinny jeans while holding a pair of black suede boots.

“No, it’s fine, like every other outfit you've put on tonight,” Kiyoomi assures.

“Or maybe I should change the top, put on a button down instead?” Atsumu says turning to face the wardrobe, rummaging through some of Kiyoomi’s clothes.

“You look perfect love, quit fussing.” Kiyoomi goes to stand behind him, wrapping his arms around Atsumu’s waist, nuzzling his face against his neck.

“I just want them to like me,” Atsumu whispers.

“I know love, and they will, trust me.” Atsumu lets himself be pulled to the door to finally, after many repetitions of “Let’s go now,” and “Wait, I need to check something.”

“You’re fidgeting, love,” Kiyoomi tells him, his hand coming to rest on Atsumu’s thigh which he has developed a habit of bouncing to cope with his anxiety.

“I can’t help it! I told ya we should’a brought them some gifts!” Atsumu unintentionally shouts making Kiyoomi laugh lightly.

“Now’s not the time to be laughin’ Omi! Turn the car around we’re buyin’ them stuff!”

“Too late,” Kiyoomi says, turning right. Atsumu was greeted with a magnificent house straight out of a fairy tale. It wasn’t a house, he realizes, it was a mansion.

“Kiyoomi-sama,” a middle-aged butler greets him once Kiyoomi opens the door. When he opens Atsumu’s door for him, he was also greeted by the butler.

“Miya-san?” he asks.

“That’s Osamu’s twin,” Kiyoomi explains to him.

“Oh, pardon me, I am Tamahana Shoji,” he says.

“The loyal butler that raised me while my parents and siblings are always away for business among other things,” he continues.

“Right this way sir,” Shoji says, gesturing inside as he gestures for one of the other men to take the car to the parking area while he leads the two inside.

“I have missed you greatly, Kiyoomi,” he says as he leads them to the dining area.

“I was here last week, uncle,” Kiyoomi laughs.

“Uncle?” Atsumu asks.

“He has taken to calling me uncle as his family wasn’t always around,” Shoji explains for Kiyoomi.

“Mother and Father were always a bit uncaring for me,” Kiyoomi says.

“Do not say such, Kiyoomi, well, I will be back to serve you your food later, Tomio-sama and Mari-sama are inside,” Shoji says, bowing before he leaves them outside the door.

“Are you ready, love?” Kiyoomi asks.

“I changed my mind, I’m leavin’ bye, Omi, see ya tomorrow,” Atsumu says, beginning to turn around.

He freezes when he hears the door open, he sees Kiyoomi’s hand on the knob, and starts cursing the other inside his head.

“Finally, you’re here, I missed you, my son,” a middle-aged woman, stood from where she sat beside a man.

“Mother,” Kiyoomi says smiling at her then hugging her.

“Father,” he says, approaching the man who stayed beside his chair, but had stood up to greet his son.

“Is this him?” the woman says, turning to face him. Atsumu sees a dark look pass over the woman’s eyes, but it was gone before he had thought too much of it.

“Miya Atsumu ma’am, I am very pleased to meet ya,” he says, his voice trembling.

“I’m Sakusa Mari, and you can call me mother, I also expect a wedding soon, okay?” she says, hugging him as well.

“Hello, I’m Sakusa Tomio, I hope our little Kiyoomi isn’t too much trouble for you,” the man, Tomio, says.

“Before you call me anything else, call me father,” he says, smiling at Atsumu with the same smile that he wakes up to everyday.

“It’s great to finally meet ya, si-…” Atsumu freezes at the glare that Tomio gives him. “Father?” he says, unsure. Atsumu breathes a sigh of relief when the glare from the man’s face fades, replaced with a fond expression looking at him as if he were his own son.

“Let’s eat shall we?” she says leading Atsumu to the table next to where Kiyoomi had already sat.

Dinner was going magnificently, Kiyoomi’s parents have been telling Atsumu of embarrassing stories of him that occurred when he was a child. Atsumu’s stomach has been hurting since the start of it all, while Kiyoomi was beside him, pouting and telling his parents to stop slandering him to his boyfriend. Things started to go downhill when Atsumu feels an uncomfortable feeling settling in his lower stomach and he excuses himself to go to the restroom.

“Oh, let me lead you there, Atsumu,” Mari says, standing up walking to the other side of the table. He tries to deny her help, saying that he could find his way on his own if given directions. “Oh nonsense, I’m sure my husband wants to talk to Kiyoomi anyway, you know, the traditional son is coming of age, and all,” she says.

Atsumu laughs a little, and agreeing to what she wants. She leads him down the hall, turning left to find a door, Mari opens it, and Atsumu walks inside. He was shocked when she follows him inside, even more so when she turns to face him, the friendly look on her face gone.

“What kind of magic did you do to get my son to fall for a low-life like you?” she says, coldly. Never, in the entirety of Atsumu’s life had he felt small, but now, he could feel all his dignity shrivel to non-existence.

“I’m sorry, ma’am?” Atsumu replies.

“How much do you need?” she asks.

“What?”

“How much do you need, you gold-digging whore?” Mari says, glaring at him. Atsumu feels the wind get knocked out of him.

“We’ll talk about this another day, I will be planning something for tomorrow, and you will go along with it,” she says before leaving Atsumu to do his business.

He washes his hands and goes out of the restroom, and walking back with Mari to the dining area. Kiyoomi perks up when he sees him, before a look of confusion settles on his face. Mari begins talking to Tomio about whatever she had planned for tomorrow.

“Isn’t that right, Atsumu?” she says, the smile on her face was back. It was scaring Atsumu just how good she was at keeping her front.

“Yes, mother,” he replies, his voice shaky.

“You okay?” Kiyoomi whispers to him.

“Yeah, don’t worry, ‘bout it,” Atsumu says, taking Kiyoomi’s hand under the table and entwining their fingers together.

After dinner, they now stood outside the entrance of the Sakusa mansion, ready to send the two off.

“Are you really sure you can’t stay the night?” Mari asks her son.

“We really can’t, mother, I’m sorry,” he says, kissing her cheek before pulling his mask up to cover the lower half of his face.

“Okay then, Atsumu?” she says, turning to the man in question. “I will just ask Kiyoomi for your number, then we can talk more about tomorrow,” she says, a smile on her face, one that used to assure him, now brings fear.

“Of course, mother,” he replies, as excitedly as he can.

“Omi,” Atsumu says while they were inside the car.

“Yes love?”

“Can I go home to the dorms tonight?” he asks.

“Of course, love, but can I ask why?” Kiyoomi asks in return.

“I left a few of my things yesterday, and I need them to complete a requirement,” Atsumu says laughing a bit.

“But the school year’s just begun?” he says confused.

“I know! I hate it so much!” Atsumu exclaims, hoping that it would be enough to divert Kiyoomi’s attention. Kiyoomi drops him off without a hitch, a kiss on the lips, the promise that they would talk more tomorrow, and the raven was driving into the night. Atsumu, on the other hand, was praying for tomorrow to never come, he had expected the worst to happen tonight, but he hadn’t thought that he would be right. He lays on his bed, his twin snoring on the bed next to his, unable to go to sleep.

When the following day came, he feels his throat close up when a sleek white Lamborghini parked in front of him. The window rolled down revealing Sakusa Mari, wearing a burgundy blazer over a white button up and a matching pencil skirt. He gets in wordlessly, and suffers through a tense car ride. Five minutes into the ride, Mari speaks.

“Tell me, how much do you want?”

“I’m sorry ma’am, but I genuinely love your son,” Atsumu says instead.

“I know of something that may be of interest to you,” she says, nodding to the paper on the console. Atsumu opens it and finds, with chilling realization, his, his brother’s and their grandmother’s profile.

“What is this? Where did ya get this?” he asks, his mind running a mile a minute.

“Just a little something. I heard your brother was planning to start a food business?”

“What does that have to do with us?” Atsumu asks, looking at her, she was already staring at him like he was the greatest scum that walked the earth. Mari was about to answer when Atsumu’s phone rings from inside his pocket.

“Hello?” he says.

“Tsumu, where are ya?” he hears his brother say frantically.

“I’m out for a moment, why?”

“It’s grandma, a neighbor said she collapsed while doin’ yard work, they already took her to the hospital, but we have to get home now, Tsumu,” Osamu says.

“I’ll be right there I just have to grab somethin’. Pack all our bags for us,” Atsumu replies sternly, before dropping the call.

“Do ya have something to do with that?” he asks, his voice short of a growl.

“Oh, no, you know of our hospital, don’t you? We have a partner in Amagasaki, another in Osaka, quite convenient if you ask me, since it also gave me a profile of your parents,” she says, smirking at him.

“I know you’re short of money, Atsumu,” she continues to taunt him.

“Choose, _son_ ,” she says condescendingly.

“Fine,” Atsumu whispers, feeling the tears well up in his eyes and fighting to keep them there.

“Please, just leave Samu and my grandma out of this, if anythin’ happens to them, I’m tellin’ Kiyoomi,” Atsumu says.

“You have my word,” she says writing a check for five million yen, giving it to Atsumu.

“Here, a little extra because you made my day,” she says, smiling at him. She drops him off in front of his dorms and goes to their room. They start their journey to Amagasaki with Osamu rambling about how he hopes their grandma was okay. Atsumu can’t help but feel as if he was a bad brother and a bad grandson for thinking of his boyfriend rather than the welfare of his grandmother.

The moment they step off the bus in front of the hospital, Atsumu excuses himself, saying that he will buy them food. Osamu goes ahead to ask for their grandmother’s room as Atsumu goes out the doors, still carrying his bag of clothes. He dials a number that he knows will help him, they owe him after all.

“You better have a good excuse for this Atsumu, I was just about to take off my boxers,” Kourai says.

“I have a favor to ask,” he says, his voice trembling.

Sensing his despair, Kourai immediately calms down and asks what he needed. “I need to borrow Sachi for a moment,” Atsumu says. The silence that stretches out was deafening but Atsumu could only wait for Kourai to reply.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really hope you guys enjoyed that, and since we’ll be seeing each other for longer (if you plan to stick around) scream with me on twitter @/BabuBlep. please comment what you think so far and please stay tuned to the next chapter!
> 
> ps. yes, i used the same names for the parents sorry hehe


	2. And So It Ends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They love each other, but that really doesn’t matter now does it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feel free to hurt me lol. but yeah you’re going to hate a lot of characters in this (or just me lol). onto the chapter!

“Uh, Atsumu, you have your own boyfriend, remember?” Kourai says, nervously.

“I’ll explain everythin’ when we get back, you two are the only people I can count on to do this,” Atsumu whispers desperately.

“Okay, okay, we’ll talk to you when you get back then, does Osamu know about this?” he asks.

“No, and please do _not_ tell him, he’ll have my head.” They say their goodbyes and Atsumu walks to the nearest convenience store, buying a few things for Osamu. Walking back to the hospital, he finds that Kiyoomi had messaged him, asking if he was alright and that his mother hand told him that Atsumu had to cancel their plans because of their grandmother. Atsumu ignores him, he figures that he should stop now, it would make things easier when the day finally comes.

As soon as he enters the hospital room, Osamu brightens up upon seeing the food in the bag in his hands. Atsumu laughs before handing his brother the bag and walking to sit beside his grandmother. She turns to look at him, smiling as he situates himself.

“I missed ya, Atsumu,” she says, putting a hand to his cheek, caressing it with the care that Atsumu would never forget.

“Ya made us worry grandma, what in the world even happened there?” he says, he doesn’t need to say what remains unsaid, “I thought we lost ya.” She smiles in response.

“Oh, ya know I won’t be around for too long now,” she says. And Atsumu knows that, his grandmother was ninety-one years old and it hurts knowing that any day could be her last.

“Come on, now grandma, didn’t ya say ya’ll walk me and Samu on graduation? Didn’t ya also tell me that ya still need to see me and Omi get married,” Atsumu says knowing that by now he was just comforting both of them.

“I said I’ll see ya get married, not that ya’ll see me,” she says slyly, smirking in a way that Atsumu reminds him of himself.

“Oi!”

“I’m kiddin’ but really, ya should’a expected this, no? Grandma’s a bit tired now,” she says before closing her eyes. Atsumu waits until she was breathing normally to turn to Osamu. Osamu who always immediately ate at the sight of food, was now staring at the sandwich in his hands with sadness and distaste. Atsumu approaches him, putting his head on his shoulder, the other puts the sandwich back in its pack before proceeding to hug his brother. They will get through this, together, or so Atsumu hopes.

===============

They were going to go back to the dorms tomorrow and Atsumu has been fussing non-stop over their grandmother since she was discharged from the hospital three days ago. Osamu had asked him about the hospital bill but was surprised when he finds out that it had already been paid.

“Ya know the company grandma used to work for? She asked me to contact her and sort it out for us,” Atsumu had said. He had already told his grandmother to agree with whatever he had said just so he could get away with it and that he would explain when the time was right. There was still around four million yen left and he really wanted to give it back, he didn’t need the money of someone who loathes his existence.

Atsumu has zoned out for the rest of the ride back as did Osamu, total silence surrounds them both as the blond stares at the passing scenery and the, now, raven was tapping away at his phone. When they get off at the station, Osamu turns to him and asks, “Sakusa says ya’ve been ignoring him.”

“Oh, I’ve been occupied with grandma ya know, all the papers and other shit,” he says.

“I told ya, I could’a helped with it all,” Osamu replies.

“And I told ya I was fine doin’ it all.”

“Whatever, tell him ye’re alive or somethin’ he hasn’t stopped spammin’ the chat since the day we went to Amagasaki,” Osamu says.

As soon as they were back home, Atsumu immediately calls him.

“Where were you?” Kiyoomi asks, answering on the first ring. Atsumu feels his heart clench at the realization of what he has to do.

“Sorry, I took care of all of grandma’s things I didn’t even get to read on a few things for class in advance,” Atsumu says.

“It’s fine, you know, you can read a few things over the weekend,” Kiyoomi tells him.

“Speakin’ of this weekend, are ya gonna attend the little somethin’ the team planned?” Atsumu asks.

“Yeah, I have to, Osamu, Kuro, and Bokuto were telling, well forcing, me to come,” Kiyoomi says making Atsumu’s heart beat erratically.

“Okay, okay.”

“Did you want to go together?” Kiyoomi asks.

“Oh, no, Sachi and Kourai want me to come with them somewhere before, they need a few things for labs,” Atsumu lies.

“Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow at the party then,” Kiyoomi says and Atsumu agrees with him.

“I love…” Atsumu drops the call, ready to type another excuse that he really needed to go and do something about Kourai, who had always been known to cause damage to property at least once a week.

“I love ya, Omi, but I’m sorry,” he says, clutching his phone. He controls his breathing, thankful that he was currently alone in the room.

“Atsumu?” a voice calls from the other side of the door. Kourai and Sachirou both enter the room, immediately sitting beside him when they see how distraught he was.

“Are ya really okay with it?” Atsumu asks them both.

“We’ll ask you that question first, are _you_ okay with it,” Sachirou says.

“It’s the fastest way.”

===============

Atsumu was thankful that the entirety of Kiyoomi’s friend group have yet to arrive, he hadn’t listened to the other’s explanations, saying something about drinks and food. He was currently sat on the couch, between Sachirou and Kourai, in the house of one of his juniors. Everything was bathed in dim white and flashing lights as if to mimic a disco. Atsumu was honestly confused, but he guesses things would be better this way.

“Kiyoomi just pulled up,” Kourai says, alerting Atsumu.

Atsumu climbs onto Sachirou’s lap, facing him. He feels disgusting, he feels his arms wrap around Atsumu’s waist a finger going under the hem of his shirt. He knows that it was meant to comfort him, but it only made him want to throw up more.

“He’s here,” Kourai says, pulling at Sachirou’s face, his lips meeting with Atsumu’s own.

===============

Kiyoomi had just arrived at the “small get together to celebrate the new school year” turned to a full-blown party and cringes at the amount of people. It wasn’t like the house was overflowing, but there were still far more than “just the volleyball team”. He enters the house and the first thing he sees was the unconventional white hair on Kourai’s head. Next to him, Kiyoomi feels his heart drop. There, sitting on the lap of Atsumu’s greatest friends, Hirugami Sachirou, was his boyfriend. He wanted to hit something, preferably Sachirou’s face, and demand if he was forcing Atsumu to do this. But as he looks on, the vigor and passion that Atsumu would only have when kissing him, was now doing such a thing with another man.

He turns away, he runs to his car, he didn’t even remember driving to his apartment, but he doesn’t care. Kiyoomi calls his mother, telling her that he would do it, he would take the ticket. He didn’t care about anything else, all he could think of was getting away. So he did, that same night, he packed his bags while tears were streaming down his face and he was sobbing beyond the inability to breathe. As he puts all his bags next to the door, and prints a one-way ticket to Australia.

===============

“Sakusa’s gone,” Kourai says. Atsumu breaks apart from Sachirou, the other’s hand, coming to wipe the tears that came from his eyes.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Atsumu whispers repeatedly, hiding his face into Sachirou’s shoulder.

“Let’s take him home,” Kourai says as Atsumu keeps repeating his “I’m sorry”’s.

“We understand, Atsumu, and I’m not mad at you, neither of us are,” Kourai assures him as Sachirou puts Atsumu in the backseat of his car.

“We love you, Atsumu, we’ll help you through this,” Sachirou says before moving to go onto the driver’s seat. Kourai holds him during the journey back to their room, Atsumu still sobbing in his arms.

As soon as they arrive, they were met with a livid Osamu, he bounds over to Atsumu, uncaring of the tearstained face.

“What the fuck did ya do?” he says, clenching a fist around his brother’s collar. Atsumu could only go along with him, unable to prove that he was innocent.

“Osamu, stop,” Sachirou says.

“You,” he growls, turning to face him. Osamu drops Atsumu and bounds over to Sachirou, as he was ready to punch him, he feels a hand holding him back. Turning to Atsumu once more, he gives him the hardest punch that he ever has in his entire life.

“Ya disgust me,” he says, practically spitting venom.

“Believe what ya will Samu, ya’ll understand one day,” Atsumu says. Osamu ignores him, slamming the front door as he leaves.

Kourai was by his side immediately, holding an icepack and pressing it to his cheek which was swelling up at an alarming rate. Sachirou was about to ask if they needed to take him to the hospital when Atsumu’s phone rang from inside his pocket.

“You did well for a useless gold-digging whore,” Sakusa Mari says as soon as Atsumu picks up. He remains quiet.

“Because of you, my son will be going to Australia with my dear Kanoka,” she says. Atsumu refuses to take her bait and keeps silent.

“Keep the money, I don’t need it, delete my and my son’s number from your phone, block him everywhere, we don’t need people like you in our family,” she says then ends the call. Atsumu could only accept it all. He wants to fight for Kiyoomi, he wants to go to his apartment and tell him everything, but he can’t. His brother’s future and his grandmother’s health were on the line, it was fine if he suffers, so long as they are safe, so long as they are well. He hates that he had to hurt his Omi, but he knew his mother was right, what use did Kiyoomi, an elite, have for him, a mere college student struggling to pass his classes, so like he did since that faithful day, he remains silent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so there it was, i hope you enjoyed it, please leave a comment about what you think of this work and please stay tuned until the next chapter!


	3. Brokenhearted Kids

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keep yourself busy, don’t dwell on your pain. It’s not important. Graduate, work, die, now that’s a good plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and so the suffering begins… enjoy!!

Kiyoomi had told Atsumu of his mother’s suggestion. Finish college, then go to Australia to finish his post-graduate studies, so when he finds out from their coach that Kiyoomi left Japan a few hours ago, he wasn’t surprised. So this was his mother’s plan after all, to get Kiyoomi as successful as possible, and it was a plan that didn’t involve someone like him. They were dismissed from practice and as he was walking home with Kourai and Sachirou, he speaks.

“Can I ask for one last favor?” Kourai turns to him, a look of inquiry on his face.

“Can I switch beds with Kourai?” Atsumu asks.

“Why? I mean, I’m up okay with it, but why?” Kourai asks.

“I don’t think Samu wants to be in a room with me now,” Atsumu replies in a weak voice.

“Of course. And you don’t have to say that this is your last favor, we’re here for you. Although I really don’t agree with keeping Osamu in the dark about this,” Sachirou says.

“Ya know what he’ll do, I’m just tryin’ to avoid conflict.”

“He needs to know, Atsumu,” Kourai says.

“He will, just not now, when he’s not as mad at me.”

When they get back, they make the most of the time that Osamu wasn’t around. They take all of Atsumu’s things and move it to Sachirou and Kourai’s room then do the same thing for Kourai’s into Atsumu and Osamu’s room. When they finished, Osamu comes back and finds Kourai lounging in his, what used to be Atsumu’s, bed, scrolling through his phone.

“Where’s Tsumu?” he asks.

“In the other room, why?”

“So he moved in with his boyfriend, huh?” Osamu says, laughing at the sheer incredulity of it. “That’s _my_ fiancé jackass,” Kourai wanted to say.

“Did ya know?” Osamu asks.

“Know what?” Kourai says, playing with the other.

“About my brother whorin’ himself around.” Kourai wanted to tell him everything, maybe punch him first, but he respected Atsumu’s decision, so he decided to play along.

“Yeah, yeah I did.” It pains him to say it, but to keep Atsumu’s lies real, and to hide their own relationship, it needs to be said. He hates deceptive and manipulative people with a passion, and it was this very way of living, that landed all of them in this position. Granted, he was fortunate enough that he had grown to love his own betrothed, but he couldn’t help but feel Atsumu’s pain as he was stuck in the same situation driven by social climbers and classists.

“And ya just let it happen?” Osamu says, disbelief clear on his face.

“You know it wouldn’t hurt you to defend your brother once in a while,” Kourai says instead.

“I love him, don’t get me wrong, but I’m not gonna stand by and watch him do somethin’ like that. He’s still in the wrong here,” Osamu sneers. Kourai was saved the trouble of answering when a knock interrupts their conversation.

“Hey, wanna eat?” Sachirou says, poking his head through the slightly opened door.

“Nah, I already ate,” Osamu says while Kourai nods.

“Hiru,” Osamu calls out before they close the door.

“Take care of my brother, whatever he saw in ya that he didn’t find in Sakusa, I don’t support his cheatin’ but I still want him happy,” Osamu says.

“So why do you act tough and keep insulting him?” Sachirou says.

“He still deserves it, I may value his happiness, but that doesn’t mean I’d just condone all bad things he does. I’m not gonna magically hate him, but I won’t sit around when he really did whore himself out,” Osamu explains. Sachirou shuts the door and turns to Kourai with a conflicted look in his face.

“He needs to know,” Sachirou whispers to Kourai.

“I know Sachi, but it’s Atsumu’s call.”

“If something bad happens, I’m telling him, regardless of if Atsumu wants me to or not,” Sachirou says.

“What are ya whisperin’ over there?” Atsumu asks as he opens the door to the other room.

“Nothing, you ready?” Sachirou asks.

“Yeah.”

===============

“Atsumu, you really have to tell him,” Sachirou says, handing tissues to Kourai who was slurping madly at the broth of the hotpot.

“Not now, Sachi. I know it hurts him too when he says those things, but I can’t go and wreck his friendship with Om- Sakusa,” Atsumu says flinching. He had been trying to get himself to stop calling Kiyoomi, “Omi”, he wasn’t in the place to call him that after all.

“But when?” Kourai says, his mouth full.

“Kou, swallow before you speak…” “Well don’t you like it when I swallow.” “And Atsumu, he’s right, when?” Sachirou ignores Kourai’s statement, turning to Atsumu expectantly.

“I don’t know. Let’s just graduate for now, please? I’ll worry about it another time,” Atsumu says, shoveling piping hot food into his mouth just to avoid talking.

“Don’t hurt yourself, don’t worry, I won’t ask any more questions, for tonight,” Sachirou says when Atsumu begins fanning his mouth after trying to chew a piece of pork pulled directly from the simmering broth.

As soon as they got back, Atsumu called dibs to taking a shower first because he needed to get started on a paper. When he’s done, he exits, the bathroom and was faced with Osamu who was waiting for him to finish. “Tsumu,” he calls out, but Atsumu ignores him, rushing inside his new room. Once inside, he leans against the door, visibly tense as Sachirou approaches him.

“Hey, something wrong?” he asks.

“Nothin’ just a bit nervous ‘round Samu, is all,” Atsumu replies, walking to his side of the closet and pulling out his skin care products. Even looking at the multitudes of creams and serums makes him flinch remembering how Kiyoomi used to lecture him about not using products that do unethical testing or not using too powerful exfoliants.

“Atsumu, you’re crying,” he snaps out of his train of thought when he feels wetness on his face.

“What’s really going on?” Sachirou asks, sitting beside him.

“I miss him,” Atsumu says, a sob escaping him. “It hurts, it hurts so bad to do it to him,” he continues.

Sachirou puts an arm around him, pulling him onto his lap. Atsumu buries his face into Sachirou’s shoulder, his hands staying slack between them. He cries, and cries, and cries until he passes out from exhaustion. Kourai enters the room a few hours later to tell Sachirou that he was going to sleep and that he needed his goodnight kiss, as he looks to the bed that used to be his, he finds Atsumu sleeping, face slack of emotion and caught in the false peace of slumber.

“Are you okay?” Sachirou asks Kourai, arms coming to wrap around his waist, his chin resting on the other’s shoulder as they both look at Atsumu.

“I keep thinking how bad it would have been if I didn’t love you,” he says. Sachirou furrows his eyebrows, cringing at such an image, what’s worse, is that they knew such a situation was entirely plausible.

“If it had been like that, it’s the exact opposite for Atsumu. He loves Sakusa, but was forced to leave him only because of people exactly like our parents,” Kourai laments.

“I know it upsets you, but really, the only thing we can do right now is to look after him. He can make his own decisions, Kou and it’s our job to support him when he needs it, we owe him that at least,” Sachirou says, kissing Kourai’s temple.

“He’s the only reason we’re still together after all. We would have gotten married either way, but he kept us from falling apart,” Kourai says, turning around to wrap his arms around the other.

“I love you,” Kourai whispers to him.

“I love you,” he replies. They both retire for the night, both hoping for the coming days to be kinder to Atsumu.

===============

Kiyoomi steps out of the car, hugging both his parents goodbye. His mother was crying while his father was trying to cheer her up. He looks around, trying to hide each clench of his chest whenever he doesn’t see the mess of blond hair that has endeared him for years. He would be willing to listen to him, Atsumu just needs to show up, and he would accept him again with open arms.

“Sakusa!” he hears someone call out. Approaching him was Amanai Kanoka, the daughter of one of his mother’s friends, who he had established an acquaintanceship with over the years.

“Amanai,” he says as she comes to stand beside him.

“Kanoka, dear, please take care of him, he’s been quite sad because of what happened with his boyfriend, and I’m beginning to worry for him,” Mari says in between hiccups.

“Of course, although, he and I aren’t that close, I guess we only really do have each other, in Australia,” she says, smiling at Kiyoomi.

“That’s your flight,” Tomio tells them, ushering them inside the airport.

“We love you,” Mari says, kissing him on the cheek. As he walks to the baggage check, he looks around the airport one last time, his heart clenching when Atsumu fails to show up.

“Looking for your lover?” Kanoka says from beside him. Kiyoomi says nothing, merely nodding sadly.

“I meant what I said back there, are you willing to start over with our friendship? I could start with supporting you,” she says, smiling sweetly at him.

“Have you ever got your heart broken?” Kiyoomi asks mindlessly.

“That really isn’t what you should say if you want to establish a deeper friendship with an acquaintance, but to answer your question, yes, I have,” she replies.

“How did you move on?”

“I don’t know, it was pretty hard too, since we are incredibly close,” she says.

“Have you moved on?” Kiyoomi asks instead.

“A bit, I guess, it still hurts knowing that he loves someone else,” Kanoka says.

“Hits too close to home,” he says making her laugh a little.

“Well aren’t we a bunch of brokenhearted kids,” she jokes.

“I guess we are, nice to meet you again, Amanai, fellow brokenhearted kid,” Kiyoomi says, holding out his hand.

“Call me Kanoka, and nice to meet you too, fellow brokenhearted kid,” she says, shaking his hand.

“Call me Kiyoomi then, or any nickname you would prefer,” he replies.

“Can I call you Omi?” she asks. The moment Kiyoomi flinches, she realizes what she has done.

“I’m sorry, Kiyo then?”

“Yeah, yeah, Kiyo’s good,” Kiyoomi nods, mirroring Kanoka’s soft smile despite the persisting pain in his chest.

===============

The days pass, the weeks do the same, before Atsumu knows it, it was the end of the schoolyear and he was waiting for the last of his grades to be released to know whether or not he was qualifies to graduate for the year. His phone vibrates in his hand, his heart skipping a beat as he opens one of his classmate’s message. It was an announcement that their grades have been posted. He runs to his laptop, hurriedly loading his student profile, screaming for joy when he sees that he had passed.

“Finally! Fuck!” Atsumu shouts one more time, Kourai comes running down the hall, opening the door to find him grinning wildly at his laptop.

“You passed too?” Kourai asks. When Atsumu nods, Kourai jumps into his arms, both of them rejoicing.

“This year will be good to us, Atsumu, to you specially,” Kourai tells him.

Atsumu tears up, nodding and merely wishing the same. He was going to be honest, this year had been absolute hell for him. The overwhelming responsibilities of trying to graduate, being vice-captain, and trying to forget Kiyoomi, had taken a toll on him more than once. He had passed out at the most random and most inconvenient moments, once he had fainted during a time-out in an official match, another was after an exam, and the most unforgettable one, was during an actual presentation in front of his class.

“How’d you guys do?” Sachirou asks the two hugging and grinning in the middle of the room.

“I’m guessing it went well,” he continues, looking at his boyfriend and his best friend’s smiles.

“I missed seeing you smile like that, Atsumu,” he says, walking to them and joining the hug. Just as he puts his arms around the two shorter men, Osamu comes into the room, panting and looking visibly shocked.

“Tsumu,” he says, then starts blabbering unintelligible noises as he starts sobbing uncontrollably. Despite them not talking much save for Osamu insulting him every once in a while, he was still Atsumu’s brother, and he is still willing do anything for him.

“Sachi, can ya get some water?” he says, approaching Osamu and wrapping an arm around him. Once he was breathing normally, Atsumu pushes the glass of water to Osamu’s lips, practically forcing him to take a sip.

“Can ya explain now?” Atsumu asks.

“It’s grandma,” Osamu replies. Atsumu feels his heart drop, then it starts hammering in his chest.

“What about her?” Osamu starts crying again and it was the only thing that Atsumu needed to infer what happened.

“Samu, tell me ye’re jokin’ come on, this isn’t funny,” Atsumu says, only making Osamu cry harder.

“Oi, Samu!” Atsumu’s voice cracks as he calls out to his brother, near begging him to tell him it was all a prank.

The other two occupants, who went out after Sachirou had given them the glass of water, came back to find them clinging to each other, both sobbing uncontrollably. They get on either side of them, temporarily forgetting their feud and resorting back to how they cuddled each other during storms when they were children. Kourai and Sachirou try their best to calm them both down as their sobs echo through the otherwise silent living room. They could wish, they could hope for the world to be kind to them, but that will not always be the case, and they, all six of them, knew it all too well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really hope you enjoyed this, the angst is really beginning hehe. please comment what you think!!


	4. My End Begins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My reason for living, my love, my family, taken away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyy sooo… heavy angst begins? hehe enjoy!!

Atsumu was standing beside his brother as they wait for the train, neither of them bothering to speak while Kourai continues to blabber about something they didn’t bother to remember. He snaps out of his trance when the announcer says that the train will be arriving in two minutes.

“Atsumu,” Sachirou calls out to him. He turns to him instead of responding, Kourai moves to his just as stoic brother, talking to him, trying to get a reaction from him.

“Take care of yourself, please,” Sachirou says, hugging him.

“You’ve already pushed yourself to the ground the past school year, please just stop.”

“I’ll try,” Atsumu whispers, before returning his hug. Osamu turns to look at them, scoffing at the image of the two hugging.

They stay like that, not minding Osamu’s glare. Sachirou wanted to pummel him to the ground, but Atsumu held him back. When the train arrives, the two let go, and Kourai was whining to Sachirou how it was unfair that he was the only one who got to hug Atsumu. Neither of them speak for the entirety of the ride back to Amagasaki.

“Atsumu, Osamu!” they hear someone call when they step onto the station. They were faced with Kita Shinsuke walking towards them.

“Hey, how are ya two holdin’ up?” Shinsuke had been one of the first people to find out of what happened to their grandmother since she and Yumie were great friends.

“Fine,” Atsumu says emotionlessly.

“That tone alone says otherwise, come on, everythin’s been arranged for ya,” Shinsuke says.

“Thanks for helpin’ along Kita-san,” Atsumu replies.

“It really is no problem at all, we’re all friends after all,” he says, pulling on the other two’s sleeves to head to the bus station.

===============

“Ya didn’t do yer tie right,” Shinsuke says, approaching Atsumu who was ruffling his hair, trying to make it more presentable.

“And please, at least _try_ to do yer hair,” he continues, pulling at one end of the tie and pushing the knot so that it rests along his neck. Atsumu was then instructed to sit down while Shinsuke works on his hair.

“There, much better,” he says, stepping away and inspecting the finished product.

“Can’t things go faster?” Atsumu says.

“Why?”

“I really don’t wanna be here right now,” he answers.

“Come on, just a few more days, then ya can start grievin’,” Shinsuke says, pulling him up.

“Samu?” Atsumu asks.

“Suna got back earlier, said he’d take care of Osamu, and that I should take care of ya,” he replies, holding out his hand, waiting for Atsumu to descend down the stairs in front of them.

“Oh? Why would he say that?”

“He said ya don’t have someone to take care of ya anymore, was pretty mad when he said it too.” Atsumu nearly tripped over his own feet almost falling down the last set of steps.

“Careful.” Atsumu feels a hand wrap around his forearm, steadying him.

“I know now’s not the moment, but please just remember that I’m here Atsumu, nothin’ can change that I’m yer friend,” Shinsuke says.

“Not when ya find out what I’ve done,” he murmurs, but Shinsuke managed to hear it.

“Tell me yer reason first and let me be the judge of that. I know ya, ya won’t do something bad.”

“How can ya be so sure? We’ve been apart for four years,” Atsumu says.

“Right now ye’re just desperate to make people, me included, believe the lie that ya want them to. Let me tell ya now, ye’re successful in foolin’ them, but ya won’t be too fortunate in tryin’ to deceive me,” Shinsuke says, looking at him straight in the eyes.

Atsumu turns away from him debating how he should go about this. If he lies to Shinsuke, he knows that the other will tell Osamu of his speculations. If he tells him the truth, Atsumu may still be able to stop him. So he decides, “I’ll tell ya when the funeral’s over,” Atsumu says. Shinsuke nods, just in time for Osamu and Rintarou to come down the stairs. Osamu stares at Atsumu for a few seconds before turning to face Shinsuke.

“Is he flirtin’ with ya too?” Osamu asks, making Atsumu flinch.

“Got pretty cozy with his boyfriend before leavin’, too, ya know?” he says.

“What’s so bad about him getting’ close with Sakusa?” Shinsuke asks.

“Oh, looks like ya don’t know,” Osamu smirks before turning to Atsumu. “He has a new boyfriend, well, I guess he only has one boyfriend now,” he says. Atsumu turns away from them, walking to the car.

“What, don’t want yer favorite senior seein’ ya as the cheater ya are?” Osamu asks.

“Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry.” Atsumu thinks to himself as he bites his lip. He shuts the door behind him, before entering Shinsuke’s car. He sighs to himself repeatedly wishing to just get out of here, then he has an idea, it was a huge favor, but it was still worth a shot. Atsumu takes out his phone, calling Kourai.

“Hello?” Kourai says.

“Hey,” Atsumu replies.

“Oh, did you need anything?” he asks.

“Ya can say no, okay,” Atsumu says making the other laugh.

“You haven’t even said anything yet, Atsumu. What is it?” Kourai says in between breaths.

“Ye’re lookin’ for a place, right?” Atsumu asks.

“Yeah, we are, why? Need us to look for a place for you too?”

“Can I live with you guys instead?” Atsumu waits, his fingers going to his mouth as he starts gnawing at his nails, a habit that he has developed the past year.

“Of course, that would be alright,” Kourai says.

“Really?” Atsumu says, hopeful.

“Yeah, yeah, don’t worry ‘bout it, we’ll send a couple of places to you and see if you like them,” Kourai tells him.

“Thank ya so much, I really don’t deserve ya two,” Atsumu says, his voice breaking as a few tears dripping from his face.

“Hey, hey, you deserve good things Atsumu, we love you, okay? We’ll finalize everything when you get back here in a week,” he says. They continue to talk for a minute before the doors of the car open and the other three get in.

“They’re, here, I’ll talk to ya later,” Atsumu says.

“Okay, okay, bye Atsumu, we love you,” Kourai says.

“I love ya too,” Atsumu replies, dropping the call from his side.

“So, how’s yer boyfriend?” Osamu asks from the passengers seat.

“Osamu,” Shinsuke warns from the driver’s seat. Atsumu couldn’t help the burst of satisfaction as his brother wordlessly obeys him.

===============

It had been two days since his grandmother had been buried, yet Atsumu had been avoiding Shinsuke like the plague. He really didn’t want to explain to the other what had happened. Today was his last day in Amagasaki, and he plans to go tomorrow morning, even before Osamu woke, to leave for Tokyo. Osamu shouldn’t care when he leaves or not, after all.

“Atsumu,” he freezes when someone calls his name. He was in front of their family shrine, looking at the names of his mother, his father, his grandmother and his unborn baby sister? Brother? Sisters? Brothers? They didn’t have the chance to know.

Atsumu faces the owner of the voice coming face-to-face with Shinsuke.

“Did ya want anythin’ Kita-san?” he asks.

“The truth,” Atsumu laughs and pulls the other to sit with him on a nearby bench. He was supposed to play the coward and hide behind the lie that he had left before Shinsuke had the chance to talk to him, but really, when did the universe ever do what he wanted. So, he did, about halfway through the first sentence, his voice cracks. Halfway through the story, he was sobbing and having trouble getting the words out. When he finished, he was staring aimlessly in front of him, drying tears staining his face.

“So, yeah, now I have around two and a half million yen in the bank, friends, a boyfriend, and a family less,” Atsumu ends.

“Ya have me,” Shinsuke says.

“After what I did?”

“Because of what ya did. I may not agree about keepin’ things from Osamu, but it’s still yer call. It’s all on ya if ya tell him, it’s not my secret after all,” he replies.

“Still, I was just a headache to ya back then, so why are ya treatin’ me like this now?” Atsumu asks.

“It’s only right, I may not know exactly how way feel, but I know I can support ya through it.”

“Still, why would ya help me, ya should be runnin’ to Samu tellin’ him how weak I am for agreein’ to all this,” Atsumu says laughing humorlessly.

“I respect yer decision, so respect mine. Are ya still leavin’ for Tokyo tomorrow?” he asks.

“Yeah, I’ll be livin’ with Kourai and Sachi for the meantime.”

“I’ll take ya to the station,” Shinsuke says.

“I appreciate the offer…” “It’s not an offer, it’s a statement,” Shinsuke cuts him off. Atsumu laughs, nodding.

“Can I sleep over tonight?” Atsumu asks.

“No, ye’re already leavin’ Osamu tomorrow, without even tellin’ him, so no Atsumu. Spend the night with him.”

“Ya saw how much he hates me,” Atsumu laments.

“He doesn’t hate ya,” Shinsuke assures.

“Yeah,” Atsumu says, though he wasn’t convinced. The conversation ends there but Shinsuke’s worry for the other has only begun. Gone was the bright boy the used to look at him with admiration. In his place was a man whom Shinsuke did not know. He walks the earth expecting the worst to happen to him. He talks in Atsumu’s voice with foreign words of pessimism. His eyes that used to be the color of rich soil were now the shade of mud. This wasn’t the man Shinsuke went to high school with, he was right, four years did change him, but never in the way that he wanted to.

Shinsuke leaves Atsumu staring fearfully at the house that he used to call home, and only now did he realize how truly lost the other was. Being repeatedly ostracized by his own brother for the past year, his friends leaving him in favor of Kiyoomi, his only family by blood, save for his brother, leaving him to never come back. He will look after him, he will look after this man until he sees him smiling in the way that _his_ Atsumu used to, talking in the way his Atsumu used to, and living everyday like the light that he once was. Shinsuke would to anything to get him back, and that starts today.

“Grandma, is it okay if I stay in Tokyo for the meantime?” he asks with resolve. When his grandmother agrees, with the promise of visits at least every month, he packs his bags, telling his sister and brother to care for their grandma while he was away. He will bring his Atsumu back, one way or another.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please tell me of any inaccuracies in the service, i really don’t know much about Japanese customs so i tried to make things as vague as possible please feel free to correct me if i wrote anything wrong. i hope you liked that, please comment what you think and see you on the next update.


	5. Flicker of a Dying Flame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My light snuffed out. My life taken, hopefully.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter will be /very/ triggering, so please read it with caution. i hope you have a great day!!
> 
> ps. for anyone who needs to hear: you are loved, you are valid, please take a break, please don’t push yourselves too hard, and please ask for help when you need it, all these are okay!!

The days went by quick for Kiyoomi, one day he was settling into his new apartment in Australia with Kanoka, the next he finds himself holding a diploma in one hand and holding his girlfriend’s on the other. He was currently on a video call with his mother and father, grinning into the camera of his phone.

“We’re very sorry we can’t come to your graduation, honey,” his mother says.

“It’s fine, really, I have Kanoka, so it’s not really as lonely here,” he replies, looking at her who was on a video call with her own parents and beside her, her brother.

“So, are you two really dating?” his mother asks, smiling brightly at him.

“Yes, mother, I already told you about that, have been for months now,” Kiyoomi says exasperated.

“But what about Ats-” Kiyoomi cuts his father off. “I gotta go now, Kanoka and I are going to a restaurant for to celebrate.” He drops the call giving neither of his parents time to respond then approaching Kanoka, telling her that he would be waiting in the car for them to finish.

Truthfully, Kiyoomi knows he hasn’t moved on. Whenever Kanoka lies in bed beside him, her hair tickling his chin and cheeks, he couldn’t help but wish it was blond. When Kanoka smiles at him, the small smile yet with eyes full of happiness, he couldn’t help but wish that it was the wide grin that he fell in love with. Kanoka was an amazing person, and Kiyoomi couldn’t help but feel bad whenever he was reminded that he doesn’t love her, not in that way.

“Hey, Kiyoomi,” he hears her say as she opens that door.

“I have to tell you something,” she continues.

“Okay, where’s your brother?” he asks.

“With his… whatever she is,” Kanoka says, rolling her eyes.

“You still think that she’s a gold-digger?” Kiyoomi laughs, pulling away from his parking space.

“How can I not? She was literally wearing fake Prada when I first met her. Now I see her wearing _both_ Versace _and_ Balenciaga?” she says pouting as Kiyoomi continues to laugh.

“Why are you laughing? Stop laughing at my suffering,” she says, her lip jutting out more.

“You’re adorable,” Kiyoomi says, reaching over with one hand and pinching her cheek.

“Oh, shut up. But really, I’m worried for him, he seems to genuinely like her.” Kanoka looks down, her mouth morphing into a frown that makes Kiyoomi want to hug her until she felt better.

“Hey, things will work out, okay? If your brother gets hurt, I’ll help you take care of him,” Kiyoomi says, taking her hand in his. Despite the perfect fit of their hands, Kiyoomi misses the calloused hands and the strong grip he hadn’t felt in more than a year.

As soon as they get back to their apartment, Kiyoomi takes a shower, leaving Kanoka to change out of her clothes in her own room. When he comes back out, he sees her fiddling with her hair, a sign that she was nervous, he had discovered. Kiyoomi seats himself beside her, making her jump from the sudden presence. She calms down when she sees Kiyoomi staring at her worriedly.

“I think I should be honest with you,” she says. Kiyoomi’s heart drops. Is this going to be like before? Is she also going to replace him with someone exactly the way that _he_ did?

“I know you still love him, Kiyoomi,” Kanoka says.

“What?” Kiyoomi blinks at her, unable to process what she’s saying.

“Don’t try to deny it.” Kanoka looks at him but he was confused, he doesn’t see pain in her eyes, in fact, they didn’t hold any emotion.

“I’ll be honest, your mother asked me to be your girlfriend. But I was getting guilty about using you when I like someone else,” she says laughing lightly.

“Wait, you like someone? My mother asked what? What?” Kiyoomi says, his face falling into his hands then massaging his temples making Kanoka laugh harder.

“Yeah, she did, she asked me to date you ‘cause you were so hung up on… him,” she explains.

“What changed?”

“My parents met the guy I like,” she says.

“How did it go?” he asks.

“I was lucky enough that his family is also wealthy, that was an easy pass for my parents, but damn was I furious. You should have seen it, the way their eyes fucking sparkled when I told them his surname. Apparently, he was the son of the owner of gods know what company here,” Kanoka says laughing humorlessly rolling her eyes.

“I guess it’s a good thing that my parents are nothing like that,” Kiyoomi says. Kanoka laughs again, genuinely as if he told her a joke, the other was puzzled for a moment before she stops laughing. “Nothing, I was just thinking about how lucky you are,” she says. Despite Kiyoomi’s confusion, he shrugs it off.

“So I guess I’m single again?” he jokes.

“You better be, he’s picking me up here tonight,” she says, nudging his shoulder with hers.

“I still want to be your friend, Kiyoomi,” she says.

“Of course, why wouldn’t we be?” he asks. Kanoka turns to face him before wrapping her arms around his shoulders.

“Just please, buy me some earplugs when you plan to have sex,” Kiyoomi says, earning himself a light slap on his shoulder. Things were going great for him, if only blond hair and brown eyes didn’t haunt him even until he sleeps.

===============

“Atsumu,” Shinsuke calls out to him, as they wait for the train to come.

“Yeah?”

“Can I come live with ya?” he asks.

“What? What about yer life here?” Atsumu asks. Only now does he realize the suitcase that Shinsuke had with him.

“Where did that come from?” Atsumu says, looking at the suitcase and the duffle bag in bewilderment.

“I brought them? But onto the topic at hand, are ya willin’ to let me live with ya? Ya don’t have to worry about rent and anythin’ else, I’ve got it all covered,” Shinsuke says.

“But what about Yumie-san? What about everyone else here?” he asks frantically as he hears the announcement for the coming train.

“My family and I already talked about it, and they let me. But for goodness’s sake, Atsumu, I’m twenty-three years old, I can decide for myself,” Shinsuke replies.

“All ya have to do is let me, and ya won’t have to worry about anythin’ else,” he continues. When the train stops in front of him, Atsumu nods. Maybe it won’t be so bad to have him there after all.

They go to Sachirou’s brother’s place, a guy who was apparently the captain of the team Kourai has signed with. The moment Atsumu opens the door, he was tackled to the ground by Kourai who was repeatedly saying he missed him.

Sachirou comes to the front door to see what the commotion was about and finds Shinsuke standing to the side, while Kourai and Atsumu were wrestling on the ground. “Oh, Kita-san? What are you doing here? Kou, get up, please?” he says.

“Yeah, I hope ya don’t mind, I’m just here to look after Atsumu,” Shinsuke says, helping Atsumu get up despite Kourai still hugging him.

“Oh, it’s fine, honestly, it’s very much appreciated,” Sachirou says, taking Shinsuke’s suitcase and taking it to his brother’s guest room where Atsumu would be staying.

“We can start apartment hunting tomorrow, you two can rest for today. I don’t doubt that everything’s been exhausting for you,” Sachirou says. Atsumu excuses himself to go to the restroom, leaving the other three to themselves.

“We really appreciate you being here, Kita-san. It’s become pretty hard for us looking after him when he rarely listens,” Kourai says. Sachirou nods beside him, silently agreeing.

“What do ya mean? I get that he’s sufferin’ pretty bad mentally, do ya know somethin’ else?” he asks.

“Well, I’m going to assume that he told you everything right? What led to this, the twins fighting and all that?” Sachirou asks, Shinsuke nods in response.

“Well, the last year of uni, he had a difficult time. He fainted more than twice every month, he wouldn’t sleep, he wouldn’t eat. He kept himself busy with schoolwork’s to the point that he only left the room to play and attend class,” Sachirou explains.

“I doubt he told you, but he also lost his starting position on the last few weeks of the inter-collegiate, and it wasn’t because of an injury,” Kourai adds. Shinsuke stares in surprise, he knows Atsumu tended to stretch himself too thin, but this was going way too far. The mere fact that Atsumu had allowed his starting position be taken from him, during the season, of all times, was enough to make warning bells go haywire in his mind.

“Please, Kita-san, you’re our only hope. Help him, please,” Kourai says, his eyes becoming glossy.

“I will, I promise, I’ll take care of him,” he says.

Atsumu was just walking back to the guestroom when he hears the three talking. “… Help him, please,” he hears Kourai say. Silence goes on for a few seconds until Shinsuke responds. “I will, I promise, I’ll take care of him,” he says.

“I don’t need yer pity,” Atsumu says entering the room.

“Atsumu,” Sachirou begins.

“No, shut up, I don’t want ya babyin’ me ‘cause I’m fine! I don’t need yer help, I don’t want yer help!” Atsumu shouts. The other three remain silent. When it became apparent that they were not about to say anything, Atsumu turns to leave. Just as he was about to open the front door, he was stopped by a hand on his wrist, he looks to see that it was Shinsuke, looking at him pleadingly, as if it pained _him_ to see Atsumu like this.

“I’m comin’ with ya,” he says.

“No, what ye’re gonna do, is ye’re gonna go back to Hyogo. Forget everythin’ I told ya, and keep on hatin’ me like the rest of them,” he growls out. Honestly, Atsumu didn’t know why he was mad, he was happy that someone cared for him, but he didn’t know why he was turning Shinsuke away.

“I don’t hate ya,” Shinsuke replies.

“Yeah right,” Atsumu rips his hand from Shinsuke’s and puts on his shoes.

“I’m comin’ with ya,” he says. Atsumu merely rolls his eyes knowing the other won’t let him leave if he wasn’t with him.

They have been walking for fifteen minutes now, with no clear destination on mind. Shinsuke begins to pull Atsumu to a nearby park and seats him on a bench. There weren’t too many people around but Atsumu still feels like he was being strangled.

Atsumu looks around to find that he was alone. Standing up, he frantically searches for Shinsuke amidst the few people loitering and strolling around him. Not finding him anywhere, he runs a hand through his hair, feeling his breathing pick up pace. He feels around his pockets for his phone before remembering that it was in his bag back at the apartment. He takes another trembling breath, before sitting back on the bench.

He tries to adjust the pace of his breathing as he takes one trembling breath after another. He didn’t know how to get back to the apartment, so he sits there shaking from head to toe. Atsumu clenches his hands into fists, trembling at the sheer force he was exerting. A hand suddenly touches him, making him jolt, nearly hitting his head on the stranger’s chin.

“It’s me, calm down, Atsumu,” he says. Atsumu feels his entire body relax. He was here, he didn’t leave him.

“Ya didn’t leave,” Atsumu says, looking into his light brown eyes, finding solace in the familiar shade of autumn leaves.

“I didn’t leave, and I’m not leavin’ ya, Atsumu,” Shinsuke says.

“I’m sorry,” he says. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he repeats as his tears began to fall. Shinsuke feels his heart break the more he stares at him. He misses that Atsumu that laughed at someone falling over. He misses the random thoughts that would come out of Atsumu’s mouth. He misses the bright smile that used to decorate the other’s face every time he looks at him.

“It’s not yer fault, breathe, Atsumu, breathe,” Shinsuke soothes him. He wraps his arms around Atsumu’s shoulders as the other sobs.

“I’ll be here, Atsumu, I won’t leave, I promise,” he says running his hands up and down Atsumu’s back. He’ll never leave, not until his light can shine on his own, not until the tears of sorrow are dry from his eyes, not until his smile is back to it’s natural grin.

===============

Kiyoomi’s life had been going great, he has a great friend beside him, along with the few he left in Japan, he’s currently enrolled for his post-graduate studies, and his thesis has been the star of the last exhibit. He lives his life on a routine, just the way he likes it. He wakes up at six in the morning, goes for a run until seven, showering when he gets home, he eats breakfast with Kanoka at half-past seven. On the weekends, he goes to uni for class at eight, stays there until five, and on the weekdays, he does tutorial sessions to pass the time. He was going through life as he normally would when a certain message popping up from nowhere disturbs his routine.

“Kiyoomi?” the message says. It was from a contact that he hadn’t used in a while, one that he didn’t even know he still had.

“Wakatoshi? Hey,” he decides to reply.

“I would like to tell you something, are you free today?” another text arrives for him a few minutes later. Today being a Tuesday, Kiyoomi affirms his schedule with the other and sits on the couch to wait for his call. Kanoka comes out of her room, telling Kiyoomi that she had a date with her boyfriend today before leaving him alone in the apartment. Minutes later, Kiyoomi’s phone vibrates in his hand, he answers it as he takes a bite out of the leftover slice of pizza that they had from last night.

“Kiyoomi,” he hears the other’s deep voice say.

“Wakatoshi, how have you been doing? Why did you call?” he asks, pouting as he realizes that he has run out of pizza.

“I’ve been doing pretty good, but I would just like to ask you something,” the ever-stoic man says.

“Oh? Well, go on,” Kiyoomi replies.

“Is it okay if I ask you out?” he asks. Kiyoomi pauses for a few seconds trying to take the words in.

“I don’t want to offend you, Wakatoshi, but, you do realize I’m in Australia, right?” Kiyoomi says, unsure.

“I’ll be fine with that,” came the reply.

“Wait, what? How did you even arrive at this? What?” Kiyoomi asks, reeling from his friend’s words.

“I’ve liked you for a while now, Kiyoomi, a friend of mine told me to shoot my shot, or whatever that may mean, and ask you.”

“But, I’m not in Japan,” Kiyoomi says.

“Open your door,” Wakatoshi says.

“What?”

“I said, open your door,” he reiterates. Kiyoomi walks to the front door, as he opens it, he was greeted by a man, the same man who was on the phone with him, a man that was supposed to be in Japan, playing for the Schweiden Adlers.

“What are you doing here?” Kiyoomi asks.

“I had been getting offers from international teams, but when I found out you were in Australia, I decided to accept theirs,” Wakatoshi says, dropping the call from his end.

“Do not feel bad if you do not feel the same, I have already gotten an offer, I already got what I needed. If you happen to agree, it would just be a bonus to staying here,” Wakatoshi says, flashing Kiyoomi one of his rare smiles.

“Can we please not take it so fast; I can feel my heart trying to beat out of my chest,” Kiyoomi says, putting a hand to his heart. He gestures for Wakatoshi to come inside, instructing him to sit on the couch as he gets a batch of tea ready.

“I really don’t mind, it’s only my first day here after all,” he says.

“What time did you even arrive? Did you come here directly from the airport?” Kiyoomi asks.

“No, don’t worry about it, I arrived last night,” he replies as Kiyoomi sits beside him, setting the tea down onto the coffee table.

“Now, can we start from the beginning?” Kiyoomi asks.

“Of course, what did you want to know?” Wakatoshi returns the question.

“How long?”

“High school.” Kiyoomi looks to the other in shock.

“Is this supposed to be a prank?” he asks.

“No? Why would it be?”

“ _Why would it be?_ Wakatoshi, you can’t be serious,” Kiyoomi says.

“I find it quite offensive that you would say such things about my feelings Kiyoomi,” Wakatoshi says.

“Yeah, I know I’m sorry, I’m just, surprised. You never really showed any interest in anyone,” he replies.

“Well, did you want the one you like, someone who obviously had his eyes on someone else, to know that you like them?” he asks. Kiyoomi mulls over his words, blushing in embarrassment at the mention of his high school crush.

“Oh,” Kiyoomi merely says.

“I will give you time to think about it, you are free to contact me whenever.” Wakatoshi moves to stand up, but Kiyoomi grabs his wrist. He faces the shorter, looking at him questioningly.

“Did you need something else?” he asks.

“You’re really serious about me?” Kiyoomi asks instead.

“Very much so.”

“Alright, I accept then,” Kiyoomi says.

“What do you mean?” Wakatoshi asks.

“I agree to go out with you. But can we please take it slow? I’m still a bit wary about relationships.”

“Of course, but please know that it will not stop me from spoiling you,” Wakatoshi says, smiling at him.

“I never would have expected that your love language would be pampering people,” Kiyoomi replies, his smile mirroring Wakatoshi’s.

“I never was good with words, little things and gestures are all I can give.”

“And I’ll be happy to receive whatever you give me. Please, just not anything expensive, I hate expensive stuff,” Kiyoomi says.

“Noted,” Wakatoshi tells him, his smile never leaving his face. Maybe this was it, a break in his routine and a step away from his torturous past. Finally, he could find a way to forget about him.

===============

Shinsuke vowed to himself that he would bring his light back, yet here he was, pulling the near unresponsive man with him to the grocery store. If he had thought that Atsumu was unrecognizable back then, he was a total stranger now. What used to be the defined body of an athlete, was now just skin and bones. The lively glow of his skin was now a sickeningly pale with a grayish hue. The loud exclamations of his feelings were now monotonous whispers.

“Did ya want anythin’?” Shinsuke asks him, stopping as the light traffic light turns green. Atsumu, however, did not stop walking, had it not been for Shinsuke yanking him back, he would have been hit by a passing truck.

“Atsumu!” he shouts. Atsumu shook his head twice as if he was waking himself from a trance, with how things are going, Shinsuke knows that it was exactly the case.

“Are we here?” he murmurs.

“No, ya near got hit by a truck!” Atsumu hums in acknowledgement but Shinsuke knows he understood nothing of what he said.

“Let’s go,” Shinsuke tells him, pulling Atsumu by his hand so they could cross the street.

“Are ya sure we got everythin’? Ya really don’t want anythin’?” Shinsuke asks Atsumu, who was walking beside him, literally following wherever he goes. Atsumu shakes his head “No” so they head to the cashier.

As soon as they get back, Atsumu went back to his room, just like every day. Shinsuke sighs staring worriedly at the shut door.

“Did you hear anything from Osamu today?” Kourai asks from where he sat on the kitchen table.

“No, did ya?” Shinsuke asks, sitting across from him.

“No.” Shinsuke sighs again. Osamu hadn’t even tried contacting Atsumu since he left Amagasaki a year ago after his grandmother’s funeral. Shinsuke understands Osamu’s hurt but enough was enough.

“I’ll be goin’ back to Hyogo tomorrow, tell me if anythin’ happens to Atsumu okay?” Shinsuke says. He stands up and walks to the closed door leading to Atsumu’s room. He knocks three times before turning the knob. Shinsuke walks inside the room sitting on his bed as Atsumu faces away from him.

“Atsumu?” he says. The man in question turns to face him, emotionless eyes looking at him.

“Hey, I’m goin’ back to Amagasaki tomorrow, grandma said she misses me, do ya want to come?” Shinsuke asks.

“No, say hi to her for me,” Atsumu replies turning away from him again.

“Okay, tell me if ya don’t want me here.” Shinsuke stands up and begins picking up the few articles of clothing Atsumu had deserted on his floor.

“Kita-san,” a soft voice says. Shinsuke walks over to the bed reassuming his previous position beside the blond.

“Do ya need anythin’ Atsumu?” He begins running his fingers through the other’s hair, pleasantly surprised that it wasn’t greasy or dry, just extremely unkempt.

“Why are ya still here?”

“I was just cleanin’ up a bit, did ya want me to leave?” Shinsuke asks.

“Why are ya here?” Atsumu asks again.

“Oh,” he says in realization.

“Because I want to take care of ya,” he continues.

“Why?”

“Because I love ya, Atsumu, more than just a friend, more than a lot of people actually,” Shinsuke confesses, looking the other in the eyes.

“But…” Atsumu pauses.

“I know, I know ya can’t love me like that,” he replies.

“I’m sorry,” Atsumu says instead.

“Hey, no, stop, don’t do that, okay? I’m fine with this, all I want is to see ya happy regardless of who ye’re with. I want to help ya achieve that, I want to see ya happy again Atsumu,” Shinsuke says. Atsumu merely nods, turning away again to face the wall.

“I love ya, Atsumu, I’ll come back here tomorrow before I leave, okay?” he says, giving Atsumu a kiss on his temple then another on his shoulder before turning to leave.

===============

He was getting restless, he had left Atsumu alone in the apartment, Kourai had an emergency meeting because of an injured teammate and the upcoming game, while Sachirou had an exam and had already left before him. Right now, Shinsuke was on his way to Atsumu’s childhood home to talk to Osamu. He hadn’t seen the other since he and Atsumu left the year before, and he didn’t know what to expect. He arrives at the house and finds him outside, playing with a dog.

“Kita-san?” Osamu says, looking up as he approaches. His hair was still the same shade of black as he had last seen him, but it had been cut shorter. His built has been maintained despite not playing anymore, and with the knowledge that he runs a food business, Shinsuke can’t help but be impressed.

“Hey, how’s everythin’ been the past year?” Shinsuke asks.

“Good, the business has been boomin’ lately,” he responds.

“Oh, so I assume ya’ve been busy?” Shinsuke says.

“Very,” Osamu laughs.

“Too busy to even try to contact yer own brother?” Osamu freezes, looking up at Shinsuke with surprise on his face.

“What did that bastard tell ya?” he scoffs.

“Nothin’ do ya even know where he’s been the past year?”

“I don’t know, probably findin’ other guys to cheat on?” Osamu rolls his eyes.

“And me, do ya know where I’ve been?” Shinsuke pushes.

“No, actually, Yumie-san told us, ya went away to take care of some business never really said what,” Osamu shrugs.

“I’ve been with yer brother the entire time, Osamu.”

“What? Where is he? Is he okay? Is he eatin’ right? Why haven’t I seen him in pro games?” Osamu asks, his eyes going wide, walking closer to the other with every question.

“Why don’t ya ask him all that yerself?” Osamu opens his mouth to respond but he was cut-off by the sound of Shinsuke’s phone ringing.

“Excuse me,” he says.

“Hello,” Shinsuke talks into the speaker. He freezes, his eyes widening.

“Kourai, Kourai, calm down, where is he?” Osamu hears frantic murmuring on the other side.

“Calm down, okay? Tell me the address, and I’ll be there, he’ll be fine, don’t worry, he’s a fighter,” Shinsuke says, his voice cracking as he closes his phone.

“Shit,” Shinsuke mumbles, tears dripping from his face.

“Uh, Kita-san, what is it?” Osamu asks nervously.

“Do ya want to see yer brother?” Shinsuke asks him his tears still on his face.

“No.” Shinsuke stares at him for a few seconds, unblinking.

“Yeah,” Osamu admits.

“Ya better, because this may be yer last chance.”

===============

Kourai had forgotten his sneakers and was mentally berating himself for such a stupid mistake when he halts in his steps. There was a puddle coming from the bathroom, wetting their black carpet. “A leak, now of all times?” he thinks taking off his socks as he cringes at the feeling of the wet carpet against his feet. When he passes by the couch, he finds five pieces of paper, four of which were folded and laid out like a fan while one was open at the root of the fan.

He walks over to the table, curiosity getting the best of him and finds Atsumu’s writing.

_Hey Mama, Papa, Little Brother/Sister, Grandma,_

_See ya soon. :)_

_Love,_

_Atsumu_

Kourai bolts to the bathroom and screams with what he finds. Atsumu was there, laying in the tub which was overflowing with crimson water. Atsumu’s face was relaxed under the water, showing no signs of struggling. Kourai takes his body out of the water and immediately finds his arms ridden with cuts, making the pale skin open in sickening ways.

“Atsumu! Atsumu!” he shouts, shaking him. He checks Atsumu’s pulse from his neck, breathing in relief as he finds it, it was weak, but it was there. Kourai calls for an ambulance then for Shinsuke. He knows Sachirou will be mad at him for not calling him sooner, but Kourai knows the other will fail his class if he left the exam now.

The medics take Atsumu away, and being the only person in the apartment, he rode with them to the hospital, watching as they try to revive the man he considers as his brother. He prays to every god he knows, to his ancestors watching, to please, please, please, please let Atsumu be okay. A few hours later, Kourai finds himself inside a hospital room, his brother hooked up to multiple machines. He could only stare at him, forcing himself to register everything that happened in the past few hours.

A message interrupts him, it was Sachirou, asking if he and Atsumu wanted to eat anything. Kourai texts the other the address of the hospital and Atsumu’s room number, nothing more. Five minutes later, the door was pulled open revealing Sachirou, panting from exhaustion. He drops to his knees the moment he sees Atsumu, the bandages, the lifeless figure, the machines. Kourai walks over to him, pulling him into the room. As he feels his arm start to get wet as Sachirou begins to sob, then Kourai allows himself cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you guys made it this far? congrats, its only the beginning.. hehehe. please comment what you think and i’ll see you guys until the next chapter!!


	6. When I go, Would You Let Me Leave?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No. Never again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey… this is gonna be the last /ultimately/ sad (all others are just gonna be bittersweet but still angsty lol). enjoy!!

When Shinsuke and Osamu arrive in Tokyo, the older takes Osamu by his wrist, practically dragging him to wherever in the world Atsumu was. Getting into the taxi, Shinsuke mumbles the address to the driver while Osamu gets on the backseat.

“Please hurry,” Shinsuke tells the driver. Within five minutes, they reach their destination, “A hospital,” Osamu thinks though he doesn’t know how to react.

“He finished his studies?” Osamu asks Shinsuke but the latter just ignored him, brisk walking into the hospital, completely passing the reception area and heading straight for the stairs. Two flights of stairs later, Osamu finds himself standing in the middle of a long dimly lit hallway. At the end of the hallway, he finds a tall brunet and a short white-haired man, Kourai and Sachirou. Shinsuke bolts to them, forcing Osamu to follow him.

“Where is he?” Shinsuke asks the other two. They gesture to the door and Shinsuke barges inside, slamming the door behind him once he has entered.

“What are _you_ doing here?” Sachirou asks, glaring at Osamu.

“Sachi, stop,” Kourai warns.

“Stop? You’re funny Kou,” he says laughing as he stands up. He uses the three-plus inches he has on Osamu and looms over him. Osamu would be lying if he said he wasn’t intimidated of the tall and broad figure in front of him. He didn’t even have time to prepare himself, within the blink of an eye, he falls to the ground, his jaw stinging.

“What the hell?” Osamu shouts at him.

“Sachirou!” Kourai shouts, holding the taller back.

“He deserves it, fuck I’ve been wanting to do that for so long,” Sachirou says.

“Stop, I’ll handle this, go get us some food, or something for when Atsumu wakes up. I’ll handle him,” Kourai says. Sachirou walks away, giving Osamu a final glare before heading for the stairs.

“Tha-” Kourai cuts him off. “Don’t thank me, I would also like to pummel you to the ground as much as my boyfriend already has. But thankfully with fear of losing my job, I’ve managed to keep my anger at bay,” he says.

“Boyfriend?” Osamu asks.

“Him. Hirugami Sachirou. Has been since we were in high school.” Osamu was floored because of what he had just heard.

“Come on, ya can’t expect me to believe that,” he says laughing nervously.

“Sit down, Osamu, I have something for you,” Kourai says, sitting down and patting the seat next to him. Once Osamu has sat down, Kourai gives him a piece of folded paper, the Kanji of his name being the only thing written on the front.

“What is this?”

“Read it first before asking me any other question,” he says instead. Osamu opens the letter, surprised to find his brother’s handwriting.

_Hey Samu,_

_By the time ya read this, I think it’s safe to say that I’ve succeeded. Remember when I told ya that I’ll live the happier life? Well, I’m happy to tell ya that I failed, haha. Ya won. I know ye’re a bit confused by this, why ya suddenly find yerself readin’ this, but I’m here to explain why. Can ya listen to yer talkative older brother one last time? Don’t worry, I’ll be shuttin’ up for a really long time after this, and who knows, maybe you’d have forgiven me for hurtin’ yer friend the next time we meet. But whatever, enough about that, I’ll be tellin’ ya my story so ya better listen good!_

_I wanna start off by sayin’ “Thank ya” first and that I love ya, ye’re the greatest brother I could ever ask for. We fight but we always make up, so I guess, I’m just selfish enough to ask ya to forgive me one last time._

_Okay, that aside, I finally get to tell ya the reason why I had to hurt Sakusa. Remember when he took me to meet his parents? His mother asked me to stay away, ya know I won’t do it, I’m stubborn like that. But I’m sorry Samu, if I’m weak for anythin’ it’s ya and grandma. That night, Sakusa’s mother asked me to come with her somewhere the day after and I had no choice but to go. While I was with her, she made up my mind for me. She told me that she’d wreck yer business before ya even started, told me that she’d pull some strin’s so that grandma won’t get accepted to any hospital; that if I left her family alone, she’d give me money for grandma’s bills. I think by now the choice was pretty clear, ain’t it, Samu?_

_Do ya remember when ya asked me where I got the money, both for the hospital and the funeral? I know ya know I lied, so ya left me alone. Well, I got it from her, but enough of that witch. Long story short, I got Kourai and Sachi’s help and since no one knows they’ve been in a relationship for long, I took advantage of that. I asked to borrow Sachi to make it look like I was cheatin’ on Sakusa. I guess I was a pretty good actor ‘cause even ya, the person who know me most, had managed to believe it._

_But all that aside, I really am happy to have ya Samu. And I hope, for even one moment of yer life, ya felt like ya were lucky to have me. Please don’t destroy yer friendship because of this, if I’m not there to make ya happy, then at least ya have them to do that for me. I love ya, little bro. Let’s play more when we see each other again, yeah? Goodbye for now._

_Love yer annoying OLDER brother,_

_Atsumu._

“Hoshi, what is this?” Osamu says, his voice trembling. Kourai remains silent, but tears were also flowing from his eyes.

“Hoshi,” Osamu pleads.

“He’s inside,” Kourai whispers instead. Osamu stands up and runs to the door. He opens it and sees Shinsuke sobbing over a frail lifeless body. The man lying on the bed was dangerously skinny, his skin was pale to the point of being translucent, what used to be light blonde hair, always styled to perfection, was now unkempt, black and long enough to reach his cheekbones. Shinsuke turns around at the sound of the door opening. He steps away from the lifeless man revealing, what used to be strong arms, now skinny and ridden with bandages, _stained_ bandages.

“That’s not my brother,” Osamu whispers. Shinsuke leaves him by himself, leaving Osamu alone with Atsumu.

“Ya idiot,” he whispers walking to sit on the chair previously occupied by Shinsuke.

“Ya id- No. I don’t get to say that, Tsumu, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m the idiot,” Osamu says taking his brother’s hand and sobbing into it.

“I’m such an idiot,” he whispers to himself. He continues like that sobbing until his head hurts, crying until his throat was dry, and staring at his brother until his lifeless form is etched into Osamu’s memory enough to haunt him forever.

===============

Half an hour later, the other three enter the room as Osamu was staring Atsumu. “Osamu, have a drink,” Kourai says, pushing a cup with water into his hands.

“How long did ya know about it?” Osamu asks. Shinsuke knows the question was for him, so he merely sighs.

“Since I left a year ago,” he replies.

“And ya didn’t bother to tell me?”

“What about you?” Sachirou asks.

“What about me?” Osamu retorts, turning to face him.

“Where were you? You couldn’t text, you couldn’t call, you couldn’t drop by? You didn’t even think twice about blaming your brother? You of all people should know he was lying! You know him the best, yet you decide to believe a text or a call from your brokenhearted friend? You didn’t even bother to know the truth so don’t go pointing any fingers that we’re the ones at fault for not telling you!” Sachirou says. Osamu looks down at the floor because he knows the other was right.

“Hirugami, stop, fighting won’t solve anythin’, Atsumu’s alive and for now that’s all that matters,” Shinsuke says.

“He’s coming back to Amagasaki after this,” Osamu says.

“Hell no!” Kourai says.

“That will be…” Shinsuke says sternly, trying to stop another fight from happening. “Atsumu’s choice once he’s discharged.” He continues.

“We’ll be back tomorrow, Kita-san,” Sachirou says.

“I’ll be comin’ with ya, Osamu’ll stay here,” Shinsuke says. Osamu was about to protest but he sees Shinsuke’s glare leaving him to nod.

===============

Osamu didn’t notice that he had fallen asleep, but he finds himself waking up because of something moving in his hand. He rouses himself, cringing at the kink in his neck and the ache in his arm. It takes a while for him to realize where he was, but a groggy voice reminds him.

“Samu?” the voice calls, barely inaudible over the beeping of the machines. Osamu feels all traces of sleep disappear from him, as he snaps his head to look at his brother. He stands up to get a water bottle from the convenience store bag that the other three have left for him.

“Here, have a drink,” Osamu says, putting the rim to Atsumu’s chapped lips.

“I’m alive?” Atsumu asks after a few sips of water. Osamu’s heart clenches at his brother’s words.

“Yeah, ya are,” he replies as Atsumu takes another sip of water.

“Oh, why?”

“What do ya mean _why_?” Osamu asks indignantly.

“I’m not s’pposed to be alive Samu,” Atsumu says looking down.

“No, no, Tsumu, stop, I know everythin’ now, we can get ya help, we can…”

“Who found me?” Atsumu asks.

“Hoshi.”

“He gave ya the letter?”

“He did, I’ve already read it, we can start over Tsumu, I’m really sorry this had to happen for me to get back to ya. I’m here now, and I’m not leavin’ ya,” Osamu says.

“Ya know, Samu, read it or not, leave me or not, I’m goin’, and I’m not lookin’ for yer opinion. I am killin’ myself whether ya like it or not. I’m not even supposed to be alive right now,” Atsumu says.

“Tsumu, hey, Tsumu, don’t say that. We’ll get ya help okay? Please, please don’t leave me. I know I’m selfish to ask ya this but please, please don’t leave me.” Osamu kneels beside his brother’s hospital bed, he could feel tears dripping from his eyes, but he didn’t bother wiping them. Atsumu was professing suicide in front of him and he will not stand by idly, not anymore.

“Are ya guilty? I’ve already forgiven ya Samu, ye’re not indebted to me in any way, specially not in keepin’ me alive. Things’ll be better this way Samu, ya should’ve just let me die.” Osamu begins shaking his head, taking his brother’s hand and holding it to his face.

“Please, give me another chance, Tsumu, please, I’m literally beggin’ ya, please, please, please,” Osamu says, sobbing into Atsumu’s hand.

“Why?”

“I’ll make it up to ya, please, I need ya Tsumu, ye’re the only one I have left,” Osamu sobs.

“I’m the only one?” Atsumu asks, Osamu nods, looking helplessly at the other.

“Ya still love me?”

“I do. Please just let me take care of ya, I’ll never leave ya again. Please, Tsumu, I can’t live without ya,” Osamu says, hugging Atsumu’s head into his chest.

“Samu still loves me?” he asks.

“I never stopped, please, nii-chan, I need ya,” Osamu mumbles into Atsumu’s hair.

“I’m here, Samu,” Atsumu says, holding onto Osamu’s arm as the younger cries into his hair.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Atsumu shushes him, his thumb moving comfortingly back and forth on the back of Osamu’s hand.

“Sh, nii-chan isn’t goin’ anywhere.” Osamu clings to him tighter than he ever has. He has let him go too many times, he has neglected him enough, whatever Atsumu’s decision will be when he will respect it, but he will never leave him again, regardless of where he is. Osamu will do anything to keep his brother alive, so he will start now, his arms around him in a cold, hostile hospital room with the machines the only thing to witness the new beginning of their relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiiii hope you liked this chap, please comment what you think and see you on the next chapter!


	7. Well, Hello

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So we meet, unfortunately.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiii i think a lot of you still hate me for what i did to atsu… but fear no more, cause you’re about to hate me even more lol. anyway, enjoy!!

Kiyoomi was having the time of his life, despite the riches his family had, it had been a long time since he had felt so secure. The only sense of security he ever got had been ripped away from him the day he saw that he wasn’t the only one in Atsumu’s heart. Wakatoshi had reminded him what it felt like being nurtured (read: spoiled) by someone; since he had been the one doing the spoiling during his relationship with Kanoka. But of course, fate really had a knack for not doing things the way he wants them to.

“Kiyoomi, I need to talk to you,” his boyfriend of almost two years tells him.

“Of course, hold on, let me just save the file real quick,” Kiyoomi replies, saving the document before closing his laptop.

“Alright, what is it?”

“I was given an offer,” Wakatoshi begins.

“That’s great! Where?” Kiyoomi asks.

“Poland.” “Oh.” Kiyoomi stares at the other realizing what he was implying.

“I think we can handle long-distance…” Wakatoshi cuts him off.

“This wasn’t what I wanted to talk to you about, I have decided that I will take the offer, if that was what you were wondering,” Wakatoshi says.

“Then what?” he asks.

“Do you love me?” The first time they said “I love you” to each other was during their date on their sixth month together. Kiyoomi always told himself that he was serious about Wakatoshi, but the hurt look on the other’s face was a clear indication that the only person he had succeeded in convincing was himself.

“Wakatoshi, what does…” Kiyoomi begins.

“Just answer the question, Kiyoomi, I’m not mad at you.” Kiyoomi’s lack of answers was enough for Wakatoshi. The younger looks up in surprise as the other starts laughing, albeit painfully.

“Damn, it hurts,” Wakatoshi says, with tears in his eyes.

“Toshi,” Kiyoomi whispers.

“It’s still him.” It wasn’t a question; it was a statement. Kiyoomi looks down, guilt washing upon him.

“I’m sorry,” Kiyoomi mumbles, his own eyes tearing up.

“Now that I think about it, there really wasn’t any way that I could have competed with Miya Atsumu, of all people,” Wakatoshi says, smiling at the other.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he keeps saying.

“Hey, hey. You were able to be honest with me, so can you do me a favor?”

“Anything,” Kiyoomi says.

“Be honest with yourself, prevent yourself from trying to get over him by using other people.” Kiyoomi flinches from the harsh words but he, himself knows that it was true. As much as he was hurt, as much as he wants to forget, he still loves Atsumu, and no amount of hurt will change that. His heart has been dragged through hell and back, yet he still loves him, so much.

“I’m sorry,” Kiyoomi whispers instead.

“I forgive you; I won’t say it’s fine, but I understand, come here,” Wakatoshi motions for the other to come closer, taking the crying boy into his arms.

“I’m so sorry I hurt you, I thought I could love you…” “I know, I know.” Wakatoshi kisses Kiyoomi’s forehead for the both of them. To console the crying man and to bid his final farewell as a lover. Their friendship remains, that was enough for them, maybe they just weren’t meant to be with each other in such a way and they both have come to accept that. They will see each other again, but hopefully, at the time when they are both better.

===============

Osamu slings the duffle bag over his shoulder before resting his hand on the handle of the suitcase. He turns to look at Sachirou and Kourai who were both teary-eyed as they wish Atsumu farewell. Atsumu had decided that he would be going back to Hyogo, more specifically, Osaka, with his brother, still, he promises to visit the two.

“Every week, okay?” Kourai says, sniffling.

“Kourai, I said every month at least,” Atsumu replies smiling sadly at him.

“We’ll miss you, Atsumu,” Sachirou says, even he can’t hide his voice breaking.

“I’ll miss ya guys too, and Kourai, the train’s comin’, please get off,” Atsumu says, laughing weakly. Osamu flinches at the sound. His brother’s laugh had always been loud, it was a sound that can be heard from several meters away, but this, this sorry excuse of a chuckle wasn’t his brother’s guffaw.

“No,” Kourai groans burying his face into Atsumu’s neck.

“Kou,” Sachirou says softly, his arms coming around to circle the smaller of the two’s waist. Even until now, Osamu still does not know how to react whenever the two display affection in front of him.

“Bye, Atsumu, see you next month,” Sachirou says, his boyfriend clinging to him like a koala. Sachirou pulls Atsumu into a hug, planting a kiss on his forehead before whispering a few things to him that Osamu didn’t hear.

“Thank ya, both of ya, for everythin’. I’ll see ya guys next month,” Atsumu says, stepping away from them to stand beside Osamu. All three of them board the train, none of them speaking. It wasn’t until two hours into the trip that Atsumu decides to break the silence.

“Hey, uh, I’m really sorry for all the trouble,” he says.

“What are ya talkin’ about, ye’re never trouble to us,” Shisuke says from beside him.

“But…” “No buts, Tsumu. Kita-san’s already taken care of ya my place enough, I’m the one who’s sorry, I’m the one who should ask for forgiveness. The fault has never been yers, it’s always been partly mine, and I’m just tryin’ to make up for it. So please, let me, let us care for ya in a way that ya deserve,” Osamu says. Atsumu stares at him with glossy eyes before he looks down.

“Why? Yer life was so good before…” “It was, I’ll admit that. I have my own business, my relationship with Rin’s goin’ okay, I’m startin’ with my Tokyo branch next year. My life was great, but severely lackin’.”

“What was lackin’ from it? What more could ya possibly want? Ya have a everythin’ planned, a stable job, a love. So what?” Atsumu asks.

“I didn’t have my brother. I already lost my entire family, and I ain’t about to lose ya again,” Osamu answers.

“What place do I even have in yer life?” Shinsuke takes Atsumu’s hand in his, gently stroking the back of his hand. He knows it’s not his place to speak, this conversation was between the brothers after all, but he wasn’t going to let Atsumu forget that he was here, that he wasn’t alone.

“Everywhere, and I was a fool for not seein’ that sooner, I love ya, Tsumu, and I regret every day that passed where I didn’t take the chance to tell ya that. But now that all this happened, I can only try to disprove whatever ya have in yer mind. I can only help ya get better, it’s the least I could do. So please, please, let me, let us,” Osamu says. Atsumu nods, albeit a subtle nod, it was all they needed.

“Osamu, I never got to ask ya this, but what were ya doin’ in Amagasaki? I only knew ya were there ‘cause I went to Osaka and yer employees told me ya went home,” Shinsuke asks.

“I was visitin’ grandma for her death anniversary,” Osamu replies making Atsumu jolt.

“It’s been years since I went to grandma,” he mumbles.

“I’m sure grandma understands, Tsumu, we’ll go there once we get home okay? Just before we go back to Osaka,” Osamu assures his overthinking brother.

“Okay.”

===============

“Kiyoomi,” the voice from the other end says.

“Father, did you need anything?” Kiyoomi asks.

“Your mother and I…” he pauses, taking a deep breath. “We’re getting a divorce. I will need you to come home, you will be taking over her place as my vice for our hospital.”

“Wait, what? What happened? Why is this so sudden?” Kiyoomi asks.

“I found her in bed with another man.” Ouch, well that hit way too close to home. “I was about to let it slide, but I found millions upon millions of yen being put into an online gambling site. I can’t trust her anymore, not with our money, not with our company and not with our future,” Tomio says.

“Alright, I’ll come home. I’ll just have to submit everything I need to end the semester then I can come home.”

“I’m sorry you’re going to miss your graduation, Kiyoomi,” his father says.

“Nonsense, I’ll be home in a week, father,” Kiyoomi says. They say their goodbyes and Kiyoomi drops the call from his end.

A week later, Kiyoomi finds himself getting tackled to the ground by three men, all over a hundred eighty centimeters tall.

“Sakusa!” they start shouting in his ears.

“Shut up, you’re drawing too much attention,” Kiyoomi says, despite the intensity of his tone, the other three know that it was just him saying that he had missed them too.

“Glad to have you back, Sakusa, even if I had to come here from Tokyo,” Tetsurou pouts.

“Ye’re just sad that ye’re the only one still in Tokyo,” Osamu says, laughing lightly.

“Yeah, Kuroo, how ‘bout you ask for a relocation?” Koutarou asks.

“You do realize that JVA doesn’t relocate people as easily as actual volleyball players, right?” Kiyoomi asks.

“Why did you have to be in Osaka, of all places, huh?” Tetsurou continues to whine.

“We’ve already been over this, my father asked me to look after the new hospital he bought,” Kiyoomi says.

“Damn, what is this hospital, a dog?” Osamu says, making the other three laugh.

“Whatever, I’m hungry, and I miss Osamu’s cooking, airplane food is atrocious,” Kiyoomi says, pushing his luggage as the other three lead the way to were Osamu’s car had been parked.

When Osamu pushes the door to the shop open, Kiyoomi finds two things, one, that it was nearly empty and two was a beautiful man wiping tables. A beautiful man whose blonde hair he loves is now replaced with black. A beautiful man whose athletic build has been the subject of many filthy dreams, is now skin and bone. A beautiful man who took his heart, his love, and disposed of it as you would irreparable contraptions. In front of him was Miya Atsumu, an unrecognizable, Miya Atsumu. Whoever this man was, in front of him, this isn’t the man he loves, and there was a strange aura surrounding him that Kiyoomi couldn’t pinpoint.

“I’ll be in the back,” the voice that Kiyoomi misses so much says. But something was wrong, it was a far cry from the chipper voice that he remembers. He never thought he would see or hear Atsumu become so timid.

“You didn’t tell me there was a cheater here, Osamu?” Kiyoomi couldn’t help but ask. He pretends to not see the way the man flinches.

“I’ll be right back,” Osamu says, rushing to follow his brother. Something was going on, and Kiyoomi is desperate to know what it is.

===============

Osamu carefully approaches his brother who was sitting on the floor curled up and leaning against the wall. He walks toward him, careful so as not to scare him. Once Osamu was in front of him, Atsumu raises his head. Only then does Osamu notice that Atsumu’s sleeves had been rolled up and his hands were scratching at his, still healing, cuts causing a few to break open causing them to bleed again.

“Shit, I’ll be right back,” Osamu says, running to where he keeps his first aid kit and begins treating the wounds. Atsumu stays silent throughout the whole ordeal.

“There, I’m sorry I didn’t get to warn ya that Sakusa was comin’ here,” Osamu apologizes.

“It’s fine, I shouldn’t care too much about him anyway,” Atsumu replies.

“Ya can stay here as long as ya want, Kita-san will be comin’ in a few, okay?” he says.

“I’ll be makin’ food out there, do ya want anythin’?” Osamu asks, pulling his brother’s sleeve down. Atsumu opens his mouth to speak but Osamu cuts him off, “Don’t say nothin’ ya haven’t eaten since last night, Tsumu, and it’s already afternoon.”

“I wasn’t,” Atsumu says, pouting at him as Osamu gives him a look that says “Sure you weren’t.” “Egg and mayo like grandma used to make?” Atsumu asks, Osamu gives him a smile in return, he ruffles his hair as he stands up before walking back outside.

“Sorry for that, I’m back now, what do ya guys want?” Osamu asks putting on his apron. Just then, the shop doors open accompanied by the chime of the bell.

“Hello, Osamu,” Shinsuke says, walking straight inside.

“He’s at the back,” Osamu says while pulling out vegetables and checking the contents of the rice cooker.

“Okay, thanks, oh, ya have guests,” Shinsuke acknowledges the other three occupants.

“Kita?” Koutarou and Tetsurou say.

“Hi, long time no see,” he says.

“I’ll call ya when I finish with Tsumu’s food, ya want anythin’?” Osamu asks.

“Just onigiri will be fine.” Shinsuke opens the door leading to the back and disappears behind it. Kiyoomi stares at where the man has disappeared to, was that Atsumu’s new play toy?

“Osamu,” Kiyoomi says.

“Yeah?”

“Is that guy in a relationship with your brother?” he asks.

“I hope so, he makes Tsumu happier,” Osamu says with a melancholic look on his face. Kiyoomi stays silent trying to will the spark of ugly emotion inside him away. He refuses to fall into that vixen’s trap for a second time, even if it means he needs to act like he hates him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really hope you liked it, please leave a comment about what you think of both the story and the chapter, see you until the next!!!


	8. To Care and Be Cared For

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> People care for you, your friends, your brother, and begrudgingly your ex-lover.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiiii so, here’s the bittersweet angst i was talking about and it starts now hehe enjoy!!

Kiyoomi stands awkwardly outside the building as he keeps glancing around. Osamu was taking too long to reply, and people have started looking at him strangely since he parked his father’s Porsche in the parking lot. His phone vibrates in his hand and he looks to read the message in the group chat. “I’m just settlin’ somethin’ for the restaurant, I’ll explain later. Sakusa, ya can come up and ya can wait here, Room 4 on the 13th floor, door’s unlocked,” the text reads. He walks inside and heads for the elevator to take him to the thirteenth floor, he walks down the hall until he reaches Room 4. He knocks three times before opening the door.

What he finds leaves him awkward and not knowing how to react, for what reason, he didn’t know. Shinsuke was sitting on the couch, busy with a tablet, the stylus swishing back and forth, on his hap was a, seemingly, sleeping Atsumu with his arms around the older.

“Oh, Sakusa, Osamu’s in the kitchen, I would offer ya somethin’ to drink or eat, but I guess ya can see.” Shinsuke gestures to the sleeping man. “I’m quite incapacitated at the moment,” he laughs as Atsumu groans before nuzzling into Shinsuke’s torso, the arms around him wrapping tighter.

“Kita-san,” Kiyoomi calls out before he could stop himself.

“Yeah?”

“Be careful, he may be doing something behind your back,” he says. _Shut up, Kiyoomi, what are you doing?_ he thinks to himself.

Shinsuke merely laughs before leveling him with a chilling stare. “I’m not worried about that. Because unlike ya, I know Atsumu is not capable of doin’ such a thing.” Shinsuke’s stare never wavers while Kiyoomi refuses to back down.

“Shin?” a groggy voice interrupts their staring competition.

“Did’ya need anythin’ Tsumu?” he asks in the gentlest voice Kiyoomi has heard in his life.

“Cuddle?”

“Alright, let’s go to yer bed, ya need me to carry ya?” Atsumu nods against his torso before moving to seat himself of Shinsuke’s lap. With no problem, he stands up, Atsumu still clinging to him.

“Osamu’s in the kitchen, Sakusa-san,” Shinsuke says before disappearing down the hallway into a room, which Kiyoomi will assume was Atsumu’s.

“Hey, I’m done now, sorry, the supplies were gonna arrive a bit late cause of a closed road, so I had to talk to my staff about somethin’,” Osamu says, until he notices Kiyoomi staring at the empty hallway.

“Oi, what are ya starin’ at?”

“What is really going on between your brother and your old captain?” Kiyoomi asks. _Kiyoomi, would it really hurt you to shut the fuck up?_ He thinks.

“Oh, I honestly don’t know, but really Kita-san does a great job of takin’ care of Tsumu,” Osamu says.

“Taking care of him?”

“Nothin’ come on, Bokuto’s been spammin’ the chat since I sent the text.” Osamu puts his hand on Kiyoomi’s shoulder before taking him away leading him outside. He locks the door before they proceed to whatever itinerary Koutarou has planned for them today.

===============

“I heard ya and Sakusa talkin’,” Atsumu says, holding onto his waist.

“Sorry, I got carried away,” Shinsuke says, his arm going around his shoulders.

“Ya already told me ya like me, but I don’t want to keep usin’ ya like this,” Atsumu whispers, hiding his face in the other’s neck. Shinsuke furrows his eyebrows when he feels the skin of his neck getting wet, before going to play with Atsumu’s hair, something that will always calm him down.

“I’ll be honest, it hurts me seein’ ya love someone else when I can take care of ya and value ya much more than he can. But I’ve already accepted that, Atsumu. I was tryin’ to move on from ya until I realized that I didn’t need to,” Shinsuke says. Atsumu looks at him, tear-stained eyes staring curiously at him.

“I didn’t love ya that way, I realized that now. But that doesn’t mean I’ll let ya go back to that ex-boyfriend of yours that only got ya hurt ‘cause of his elitist family. I liked ya in high school I was sure of that, and I thought my old feelin’s surfaced when I saw ya again after four years. When I saw ya sufferin’ I thought it was my chance, until I realized I don’t see a future with ya. You’re one of my best friends Atsumu, so please don’t think that just because I had feelin’s for ya, ye’re already takin’ me for granted.”

“Thank ya and I love ya, Shin,” Atsumu says.

“I love ya too, Atsumu and no, thank _ya_ for lettin’ me take care of ya,” Shinsuke replies, kissing Atsumu’s forehead.

“Honestly, Atsumu, a lot of people love ya deeply I’m only one of them, ye’re brother’s just one of them. And it made me ecstatic that ya let us care for ya now, unlike all the years I spent with ya. ‘Cause ya deserve it, Atsumu, ya deserve our love, ya deserve our care, ya deserve to be loved back as unconditionally as ya love other people,” Shinsuke says.

“Why would ya say that? Are ya tryin’ to make me feel better?” Atsumu asks.

“I don’t bluff and I don’t do flattery, Atsumu, ya know me. But never mind that for now. Rest, I know yer nightmares are still there, just rest. We still have yer therapy session tomorrow,” he says.

“I can sleep later tonight ya know?”

“Why did ya ask to come inside then?” Shinsuke asks, confused.

“‘Cause ya sounded like ya were five seconds away from beatin’ up Sakusa, I don’t want ya getting’ hurt,” Atsumu says.

“Ya don’t think I can take him?” Shinsuke joke, making Atsumu laugh lightly.

“There’s that smile we all missed,” Shinsuke says.

“Come on, I’m hungry.” Atsumu gets up and pulls at his wrist as Shinsuke stares at him surprised at his words.

“What?”

“Ye’re hungry?” Shinsuke asks.

“Yeah? Is somethin’ wrong? Oi! Why are ya cryin’?” Atsumu shouts.

“Nothin’, nothin’ at all, come on,” Shinsuke says, wiping at his teary eyes. It might be subtle, but Atsumu was getting better, maybe it was his brother coming back, maybe it was because he had finally been letting them in, regardless, their Atsumu was coming back. It may take a little longer, but it was a wait that they were all willing to make, if it means their Atsumu will finally come home.

===============

Currently sat in the driver’s seat, Kiyoomi listens as Koutarou drawls on and on about something that happened during training. Or at least, tries to listen, it was pretty complicated to do so when it was a jumble of fast words and onomatopoeias for spikes and tosses.

“Say, Sakusa, why didn’t you come to MSBY, you got the offer while we were both in Todai, didn’t you?” Koutarou asks him.

“I can’t play for MSBY while I’m in Australia, Bokuto,” Kiyoomi replies.

“Yeah, but I mean, you still didn’t play even in Australia, Ushiwaka told me,” Koutarou saks.

“I prioritized my studies while I was in Australia, so it’s only common sense that I wouldn’t play.”

“You’re lying.” Kiyoomi looks in shock at the man sitting beside him. The comical white and black hair standing in all directions, the small smile on his face, the easy posture.

“What am I supposed to be lying about?” he asks.

“You don’t want to play because it hurts you to play,” Koutarou says nonchalantly, shrugging as he does so.

“What do you mean?”

“Look, I know me and Kuroo never really said anything about you and Tsum-Tsum, but I can see…” “Bo, I think you should stop,” Tetsurou cuts him off.

“No, tell me, what is it?” Kiyoomi insists.

“I can see it still hurts you, Sakusa. Why don’t you talk to him? Maybe you’re not the only one hurting right now. I don’t know how you saw it, but Tsum-Tsumu looked pretty bad yesterday. Has he been eating right, Myasam?” Koutarou asks, turning to Osamu.

“Admittedly, I never checked on him until a few days ago, but from what I heard, no he let himself go. He apparently quit playin’,” Osamu says, pain evident in his voice. Kiyoomi pulls over to an emergency stop slot.

“He stopped playing?” he asks, disbelieving.

“Yeah, I heard about that, he was pulled out of the starting a little before the semifinal, wasn’t he?” Tetsurou asks and Osamu’s silence was the only thing Kiyoomi needed.

“Why didn’t anyone tell me this?” Kiyoomi asks.

“None of us wanted to distract ya, we all knew ya went to Australia to forget about Tsumu, and your relationships with other people durin’ that time, was only proof of that,” Osamu says. Kiyoomi stays silent trying to absorb the information. If Atsumu really did cheat on him, he wouldn’t be as heartbroken as Kiyoomi and if what he hears from the other three was true, the other had had it worse than him.

“If ye’re really interested in findin’ out, I have somethin’ for ya, Sakusa, I’ll give it to ya when ya take me home later,” Osamu says.

Kiyoomi nods before pulling away from the side of the road and back onto the traffic to wherever Koutarou had told him to go. He was about to find out, after all these years, what really happened between them, and he didn’t know if he should be happy or scared of such a thing.

===============

Shinsuke was running a hand up and down Atsumu’s back, trying to calm his anxieties. “Hey, it’s okay to be nervous, but she’s here to help ya okay?” Shinsuke says. The door in front of them opens and they were greeted with a beautiful woman, she was a few centimeters shorter than Shinsuke, petite, her hair was a dark shade of brown, her lips were painted with pink gloss, and her eyes were the darkest shade of brown that Atsumu has ever seen. She doesn’t look much, plain and simple, she wasn’t wearing any make-up nor was her hair in an elaborate hairstyle, to Atsumu, she looked, homy, accepting and that alone makes him less nervous.

“Miya Atsumu?” she asks gently.

“That’s me, ma’am,” he says.

“Oh, no need to call me ma’am, we’ll be spending quite some time together,” she says, smiling brightly at him.

“Come on inside, my name is Hora Kazumi, you may call me Kazumi, no need for formalities here,” she continues, gesturing for the two to sit down.

“Now, I’m assuming that you will be a constant presence here?” Kazumi asks, smiling gently at Shinsuke.

“I’ll just be here ‘til he gets comfortable, but after that, I’ll be on my merry way,” Shinsuke replies, smiling back at her. Now, Atsumu realizes why, she was exactly like Shinsuke, simple, accepting, kind. At that moment, he knows he will not have any problem with her as his therapist, if he had read her right, this will be easy for him, and dare he says it, maybe even fun.

===============

Kiyoomi had been staring at the letter that Osamu had given him last night with the simple reminder of “Please don’t read this before ya drive, don’t do anythin’ rash, use yer head when ya read this, Sakusa. Also, I think ya would prefer to read that alone.” He really didn’t know what to expect, it was a plain piece of white paper, it wasn’t even lined. The only reason he had not opened it was because it was from Atsumu, from the way his name, his full name and not the nickname he had for him, was in his handwriting. If Kiyoomi had seen this among his things, he would have thought of it as garbage, throwing it away without a second thought.

A knock on his door interrupts him from his thoughts, and someone’s head peeks into the room, “Sir, let us start with your tour, now?” Kiyoomi nods, getting up from his desk and following him outside. He was take all over the hospital, nearly forgetting which way was to the pharmacy and which was to the operating room, once he was sure that he had remembered all the key places, he stops as he sees something.

It was Atsumu, smiling softly at someone, that man again, Kita Shinsuke. Shinsuke had one if his arms around Atsumu’s waist and it was taking everything in him not to shove them away from each other. He shakes his head in shock at the thought. Why would he think that? Why should he even care? But as he looks at their backs as they were exiting the hospital in a bubble of happiness that he had never felt in so long, he couldn’t help but think that he longs for that feeling. Kiyoomi puts his hand inside the pocket of his lab gown, the piece of paper grounding him. He takes it out and opens it. “ _Hey Omi,_ ” the first line reads, he closes the letter, he can’t, not here, later, tonight, he will read it tonight, he promises to himself as he buries the letter just as he had tried to bury whatever love he has for Atsumu.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you liked it, please comment what you think both of the chapter and the work as a whole!!


	9. Never Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My love, then my father, but I won’t be the next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was sobbing 3 mins into writing this haha (parting letters have always been my weakness lol)… hope you enjoy lol. a little thing that may confuse you, the text in the bold-italics in the letter are for omi’s thoughts, the ones (thoughts) outside the letter are in italics, the normal font inside the letter are narratives. enjoy!!!

Kiyoomi finds himself clenching the steering wheel for the nth time within five minutes. He was anxious, he didn’t know what to expect with the “Hey Omi,” that he had already read. When he arrives at his apartment, he slams the door, immediately heading to his room, closing its door as well. Kiyoomi takes a deep breath, his hand going to the letter in his pocket. “ _Calm down, Kiyoomi. Osamu said to read this with a clear mind._ ” As he looks at the letter in his hands, he realizes that he was trembling, from excitement of anxiety, he didn’t know. After all these years, he finally gets to know why he had to do it; why Atsumu had to leave him the way that he did.

_Hey Omi,_

_Ye’re probably confused why I had one for ya since ya probably hate me too much to care about whatever will happen to me after tonight, but I guess I just can’t let go of ya. Pathetic, right? I was the one that hurt ya yet here I am, writin’ this as if I’ll have the courage to give it to ya. Maybe Kou and Sachi will give it to ya, I don’t know, but it’s nice that I can say this, I can at least pretend that ya’d have forgiven me after I leave._

**_Leave? You’re leaving?_ **

_I wanna start by tellin’ ya, before anythin’ else, that I love ya, so, so, so, so, so, much. I’m so fuckin’ sorry to have hurt ya, my love, had things been any other way, I would be holdin’ ya right now, we’d be playin’ on the international stage together. But I guess those things just aren’t for me. I found out from Kou that ye’re datin’ Ushiwaka? Well, he’s the perfect guy for ya, all seriousness, riches, and a future in both professional volley and in yer world. I really hope ye’re happy with him Omi._

**_You dare to assume that I would be as happy with anyone as I am with you?_ **

_But all that aside, it starts here. I’ll lay out everythin’ that I’ve kept from ya since the day I met yer parents. Before I get another word, can I ask for one single favor? Please don’t be mad at anyone, it was for the best. She wanted the best for ya, and that had never been me._

**_She? Atsumu, who is she?_ **

_When I met yer parents, I was so happy, I thought that maybe I’d finally feel what it’s like being cared for in a way that all parents did. But somethin’ happened, yer mom told me to stay away. I wasn’t about to let it slide, I was ready to fight for ya ‘til my last breath. With firm resolve, I meet her the day grandma was rushed to the hospital. She told me that she’ll ruin grandma and Samu’s life, and I can’t have that. I love ya, Omi, I really do, but I’m sorry for choosin’ them this time._

**_Please tell me this is a joke. This cannot be true._ **

_I asked Kou and Sachi to help me. Please don’t hate them too, they’ve been in a relationship since high school and they only got roped into this mess cause I told them to. I guess ya now know what happens. I get Sachi to kiss me at the party and I made sure that ya’d see. When ya did, some part of me was desperately callin’ for ya, wishin’ that ya’d see through the lie. But I guess my plan worked a little too well, haha._

Kiyoomi stops reading when he sees a smudge of maroon ink near the bottom of the page. It hits him all at once, trembling, he forces himself to keep reading.

_Well, ya left for Australia, a bit of an overkill if ya asked me, Omi haha. But ya found a new life didn’t ya? One that didn’t involve me. I’m happy that ya finally got what ya deserved. Ye’re there livin’ yer best life, soon ya’ll be comin’ back to Japan and taking after yer father. I’m so proud of ya Omi, ya’ll be livin’ yer dream soon enough! But me, I stayed here, lived as a burden to Kou and Sachi. I’ve been literally nothin’ without ya, my brother left me after what I did to ya, my grandma died, and I could feel every cell in my brain beggin’ me to just leave. Then Shin came along, I thought he’d be able to help me, I genuinely did, but I guess, I don’t deserve even Shin’s kindness. I started getting’ these thoughts, I know ya know what they are, but I was too much of a coward to do it. But not now, now is when I become brave. Brave for the time that I failed to fight for ya, for the time I failed to fight for my brother, and for the time I failed to be a good grandson._

_I’m sorry that I had to tell ya about all this through a letter, but I guess, I won’t be around anymore when ya come back to Japan._

**_Please tell me this isn’t what I think it is. Please, no, no, no, no, not him, Atsumu would never do this._ **

_Well, I can’t stay any longer now, I don’t want anyone findin’ me before I actually do it, I’ve already made a few cuts so I may have stained the paper a bit, I’m sorry for that too. Anyway, thank ya Omi, for everythin’ I really hope I made ya happy at least once. I’m so sorry that I had to hurt ya like that, I’m sorry that I had to choose my family over ya and I’m sorry for selfishly dealin’ with this alone. Please be happy, Omi, happier than I had ever made ya feel. Happier than ya were when I asked ya to be mine. Happier than ya’ve been when I took ya out for our anniversary. Then again, maybe just hearin’ about this will make ya ecstatic, haha. Finally, I love ya, I love ya, I love ya, to the literal end of my life. Goodbye, Omi. It starts here, but this is also where it ends._

_With deepest love,_

_Atsumu_

===============

Tapping his foot and biting his lip, he waits for Osamu to answer the call. Uncaring for the tears flowing from his face, he sighs in relief when Osamu finally answers.

“This must be a prank,” Kiyoomi begins.

“I’m guessin’ ya’ve read the letter,” Osamu says from the other side.

“Osamu, please tell me this is a joke,” Kiyoomi says, his sobs making his words nearly unintelligible.

“As much as I want to say that it is, it’s not, Sakusa.”

“Osamu, he can’t, that isn’t him, please tell me this is a joke,” Kiyoomi begs.

“I saw him. And ya did too, when ya came over,” Osamu says and Kiyoomi starts sobbing harder.

“I wanted to hate him all this time, but…” he didn’t finish his sentence.

“Look, I know ye’re probably desperate to talk to Tsumu now, but please, don’t. He’ll talk to ya when he’s ready, but for now, it’s yer turn to do the waitin’,” Osamu tells him.

“That will not stop me from doing something for him,” Kiyoomi says.

“I know, ye’re stubborn that way, ya both are. Alright, I’ll give him the gifts ya’ll give him,” Osamu replies.

“Does he know that I’ve read it?” Kiyoomi asks.

“Yeah, I told him the day I gave it to ya. It took a lot to calm him down, but he realized it was for the best.”

“Okay, can you give me his number?” he asks again.

“Sakusa,” Osamu warns.

“Alright, alright, I won’t,” Kiyoomi laments.

===============

Walking to the entrance of his mother’s study, he knocks three times. As he enters, he sees Mari packing her books into boxes. “ _So they really are getting a divorce_.”

“Kiyoomi,” Mari calls out to him.

“Mother,” he says neutrally.

“What are you doing here? I though you were in the hospital in Osaka?”

“You’re not even sad or angry that you’re getting a divorce?” Kiyoomi asks instead.

“I don’t love your father, Kiyoomi. I don’t know how else to say it,” Mari says, resuming her packing.

“And you’re willing to subject me to the same fate?” Mari stops what she was doing, turning around to look at Kiyoomi in shock. Kiyoomi stares back at her with barely concealed rage on his face.

“What are you talking about, Kiyoomi?” she says.

“It was you all along. It was your plan after all, getting me to break up with Atsumu, going to Australia with Kanoka, asking her to be my girlfriend. It was all you?”

“Oh, _that_ gold-digger,” she says while rolling her eyes. Kiyoomi stares in shock at the foreign expression on his mother’s face.

“You deserve better than him, Kiyoomi. Divorced or not, I’m still your mother, and I know what’s best for you. Where is he now, huh? Probably selling his body just to get by,” she says laughing. Kiyoomi breathes in before releasing it slowly so as not to unleash his anger at her words alone.

“Don’t you dare say that about Atsumu, you don’t know him,” Kiyoomi growls out.

“And you do? What did he even do to have you wrapped around his little finger?”

“I don’t see why I should be saying such things to the very person that ruined him,” Kiyoomi replies.

“Oh, wake up, Kiyoomi, he used you. I saw your card history, he made you buy all of it didn’t he? The ring? The clothes? The latest volleyball shoes? I saw it all,” Mari says.

“He didn’t I bought it all out of my own volition. Atsumu practically begged me to return them, but I never did, saying that I “forgot” where I put the receipt. He had never asked for anything save for my time. I gave him all those things because he deserves it, not because I have a significant other that leaches off me just like you did with my father,” Kiyoomi says. Kiyoomi jerks back when he feels a stinging sensation on his cheek. Mari looks just as shocked as he was, looking back and forth between her hand and the blossoming crimson on Kiyoomi’s cheek.

“I will never forgive you for this,” Kiyoomi tells her before turning around and walking to the door.

“Kiyoomi, come back here!” he hears his mother yell after him, but he doesn’t bother turning around. She had already hurt his father and his love, he will not let her hurt him any more than she already has.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really hope you liked that i’m sorry that the chapter was on the shorter side haha. please leave a comment about what you think, both of the story and the chapter, see you guys!!


	10. Try Again, For One More Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We love each other, but now’s not the time for that, I’m just happy that you’re back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyyy so this took me a bit too long to finish despite the short length lol sorry ahahaha. i’ve been enjoying making threads and recently they’ve gotten longer than they usually are. but anyway, I hope you enjoy this!! (i’m thinking of shortening the length of all my chaps to just 1.5k rather than 2k cause i really wanna avoid the nothing happening but the narration’s still lengthy cause it never was my style haha)

As soon as Osamu exits the door, he was nearly crushed, well as much as one can be crushed by foam, by a huge stuffed bear that has fallen from when he opened the door. The thing was huge, easily six feet tall, probably even more, it was brown and had huge black eyes that creeped the living crap out of him. It’s arms and legs were almost as big as his and he was starting to think that it was most likely half his weight. After he had gotten the bear out of the way, he finds a box of ramen noodles, the extremely spicy kind that Atsumu loves, some strawberry milk, coffee beans and a bundle of his favorite bread. Beside it, was a small box labelled “Osamu” and inside was a cake, pudding, and his favorite gyoza.

“Samu? What are these?” Atsumu asks as he walks in on his brother moving the stuff inside.

“Apparently, Sakusa decided that he will start spoilin’ ya today,” Atsumu replies, moving the box of ramen which was surprisingly heavy.

“What? He doesn’t need to do all this, tell him to take everythin’ back!” he fusses, eyeing the giant bear that has found a place for itself on one of their armchairs.

“Read the text and ya be the judge of it.” Osamu gives his phone to Atsumu. It was opened on a conversation labeled “Ice King”.

_Ice King_

_Are ya serious? Are ya plannin’ on feedin’ the entire buildin’?! <<<_

_> >> Oh, I see you’ve received the packages._

_> >> Do not, and I mean, DO. NOT. Let your brother reject it. Those are all his, no negotiations. I’ll be sending more, but it won’t be every day, don’t worry. But please let me just do this for him._

“Does he realize he doesn’t have to feel guilty about anythin’?” Atsumu asks, giving the phone back to Osamu.

“He does, he just really wants to spoil ya again. And let me tell ya he missed dotin’ on someone, our chat was the witness of it all,” Osamu says, breathing a sigh of relief once he had put all the ramen away.

“Is he tryin’ to give ya kidney stones? Why is there so much ramen?”

“I remember that,” Atsumu says, looking wistfully at the packs stacked inside one of the cupboards.

“I used to always ask him for ramen, ‘cause I was always cravin’ it, but he never gave it to me as often as I liked, sayin’ we were athletes and all.” Atsumu laughs. “I guess he just wanted to give me somethin’ back,” he continues. Osamu eyes his brother’s expression. He prays, to all of Yumie-san’s gods, that Kiyoomi would be able to help Atsumu. He and Shinsuke have been successful so far, but he was worried about what will happen if things won’t stay as they are. Osamu was aware of the difficulties of recovering from depression, he had never experienced them, but he knew enough. He could only hope that Kiyoomi’s involvement would make Atsumu better not worse.

===============

“Please hold the door open!” Atsumu hears someone shout just as the elevator door was starting to close. He puts his hand on the door, preventing it from moving, as the other person runs inside, only then did Atsumu realize just who the person was.

“Sakusa-san?” Atsumu asks.

Kiyoomi turns to him in surprise, before his lips spread into a smile, it had been months since he had been sending his gifts to Atsumu. The extravagance of which has significantly lessened because of his warnings. Atsumu freezes, it had been years since he had seen that smile, one that haunted his dreams as a phantom that refused to let him rest. “At- Miya, hey,” Kiyoomi breathes out.

“What are you doing here?” “What are ya doin’ here?” They blush, looking away as they speak at the same time.

“Uh, it’s ours now, the hospital, I mean,” Kiyoomi says.

“Really? Wow, yer parents really are great people,” Atsumu replies. “And, I’m here for therapy,” he continues.

“Not as great as you’d think,” Kiyoomi whispers to himself. “Oh, therapy? Where’s your boyfriend? I see you two walking out of the building sometimes,” he says refusing to admit that he obsessively watches them whenever they enter and exit the hospital.

“Boyfriend? Oh, ya mean Shin?” Atsumu says.

“Your old captain, right? The one with white hair?”

“Yeah, him, but he isn’t my boyfriend, ya know,” Atsumu laughs nervously.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable,” Kiyoomi says.

“Oh, no, I’m used to it, don’t worry ‘bout it.” Atsumu shrugs. Silence envelopes them both as they are unsure of what to say. The elevator dings signaling that they were at the ground floor, as soon as the doors open, Atsumu was the first one to come out, leaving Kiyoomi inside the elevator.

“Miya!” Atsumu hears him call. He stops, facing him before tilting his eyebrow up as a silent question.

“Can I have your number?” Kiyoomi asks in a soft voice, only now realizing how dumb it sounds. Atsumu lets out a small breath of laughter, before he nods.

“Just ask Samu for my number, I’ll tell him I allowed ya.” Atsumu then turns around, a light feeling in his chest because of what has just transpired. They weren’t okay yet, but whatever today was, it’s a step toward that.

===============

As soon as he unlocks the door of his apartment, Kiyoomi feels his phone vibrating in his pocket. Taking it out, he finds a text from Osamu, opening it, he sees a number along with the message, “I heard what happened. I’m not gonna wait for ya to ask me. But please, be kind to him, he’s strong, but not as tough as he shows himself to be.” Kiyoomi replies with a few words of thanks, agreeing with the other’s sentiment about Atsumu.

He immediately showers, debating for an entire hour about what he wanted to say to Atsumu. As he was typing aimlessly while lying on his bed, he drops the phone onto his face, accidentally sending a series of jumbled letters to Atsumu. Well, that’s one way to make an impression.

The reply was immediate, shaking him from berating himself as the vibrations travel through the bed. “Who’s this?” the message reads. Should he go cheeky? Should he go shy? Oblivious? Joking? He. Doesn’t. Know. Kiyoomi lets out an uncharacteristic yelp when it begins to vibrate in quick succession, indicating an incoming call. With shaky hands, he answers the call, his voice giving away exactly how nervous he was.

“Hello?” he asks.

“Oh, Sakusa-san. Why did ya send that?” Atsumu asks from the other side of the line.

“I was debating on what to send to you, but the phone fell on my face,” Kiyoomi says, before he can stop himself. Silence goes through the line before his soft laugh echoes through. “ _I missed his laugh so much_ ” Kiyoomi thinks to himself.

“I never thought I’d see the day that Sakusa’d be nervous,” Atsumu says.

“What are you talking about? You of all people know I get nervous,” Kiyoomi retorts.

“Yeah, just nice to see a refresher every once in a while. But really, why would ya be nervous? It’s just little old me,” he asks.

“How can I not be, you suffered this much because of me,” Kiyoomi says the guilt washing over him once more.

“Hey, come on, none of that okay? I already forgave ya, now’s ‘bout time ya forgive yerself,” Atsumu chastises.

“I could say the same about you.”

“Yeah, I’m actually workin’ on that, Kazumi-san has been great to work with,” he says.

“Oh? Would you mind telling me about it?” Kiyoomi asks.

“Why are ya doin’ this, Sakusa?” Atsumu asks instead.

“Is it not clear?”

“First I though ye’re just guilty and wanted to make it up to me. But this is entirely different, what do ya really want from me?” Atsumu asks.

“I want you back.” There, it was out, simple and inherently terrifying.

“I was hopin’ that I was wrong,” Atsumu says.

“Why? Do you not love me anymore?” “ _Kiyoomi, stop_.”

“I do, but don’t ya think it’s a little too much pain for both of us?”

“My parents are getting a divorce,” Kiyoomi says.

“What?”

“My mother isn’t here anymore, we can finally be happy,” he says desperation clear in his voice.

“Wait, wait, hold up, ya do realize it’s not that easy right, Sakusa?” the blond says.

“I… right, right. I’m sorry. Fuck, I genuinely am, this is exactly what Osamu meant.”

“Hey, for what it’s worth, I wanna get back with ya too, but not now, not until I’m better,” Atsumu says.

“Then I’ll be with you every step of the way,” Kiyoomi replies.

“Thank ya, Sakusa-san.”

“Are you free this weekend, At- Miya?” Kiyoomi asks, reprimanding himself once more for almost letting the name slip.

“I am, why?”

“Will you be willing to go to a café with me?” Kiyoomi waits anxiously as the silence goes on.

“Yeah, I’m down. Let’s catch up, yeah?” Atsumu offers hesitantly.

“Yeah.”

“Yeah.” Just as Atsumu was about to end the call, he hears Kiyoomi calling his name.

“Did ya forget somethin’?” he asks.

“Just this, I missed you,” Kiyoomi says.

“I missed ya too, Sakusa-san. I’ll see ya this weekend, yeah?” That night they both slept soundly, a feeling of contentment surrounding them. When the sun comes up the next day, they find themselves smiling, not because the pain wasn’t there anymore, but because they know, now, for sure, that it will fade.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really hope you liked it, please comment what you think of the chapter or the story as a whole. see you guys next chapter!


	11. Your Highs and Your Lows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pain is normal, suffering is normal, relapsing is normal, you are normal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyyyy, so, i really don't know what this is lol have fun!!

“Hey, Samu, I’ll be goin’ out today,” Atsumu says as he walks into the kitchen. Osamu looks up from the vegetables he was chopping, finding that Atsumu was already dressed to leave.

“Oh? Ya gonna stay for lunch?” Osamu asks.

“Ye’re not even gonna ask me who I’m goin’ with? Not even gonna ask me to just stay in?”

“No? And I know ya’ll be goin’ with Sakusa. Did ya forget that ya were actually great friends before ya got together? It’s not like it’s a new thing for ya to disappear with him,” he says, laughing at the pout on Atsumu’s lips.

“I didn’t but isn’t it a bit weird, I mean even for ya?” Atsumu asks.

“No, and why would it be? Because ye’re exes?” Atsumu nods in response.

“Look, if he was a toxic guy, I’d have told him to scram already, but I know Sakusa, and I know ya. He’s not makin’ ya worse, he’s genuinely helpin’ ya Tsumu. And I already said that I’d be with ya, helpin’ ya every step of the way, so why wouldn’t I support ya now?” Osamu says. Atsumu feels the corners of his eyes stinging as he walks toward his brother, wrapping his arms around Osamu’s waist.

“Tell me if I need to kick his ass yeah?” Osamu adds, kissing Atsumu’s forehead. Atsumu laughs at his brother’s words because he knows he won’t be needing the threat any time soon.

Kiyoomi arrives in front of the apartment complex, but Atsumu has yet to come down. He gets out of his car, leaning against the door of the driver’s seat, and begins to scroll through his phone.

“Sakusa-san,” he hears. Raising his head, he finds himself in the presence of Shinsuke, who was smiling softly at him.

“Hello, Kita-san,” Kiyoomi says, bowing slightly.

“Hi, are ya here for Atsumu?” he asks.

“Yeah, he told me he’ll be down in a few,” Kiyoomi replies.

“Ya know, Sakusa, I didn’t wanna let Atsumu hang around ya again,” Shisuke begins, making Kiyoomi tense up. “But really, to see him so happy when he knows ye’re not hostile to him anymore, makes me realize that it’s not that he wants ya back, not as a lover anyway. He missed ya Sakusa, much more than a man would miss his ex. I guess, what I’m tryin’ to say is, thank ya, he’s much happier when ya helped him. He even asked me and Osamu to go with him to an amusement park once.”

“He’s happier?” Kiyoomi asks.

“I’d guessin’ it’s both ya and the therapy, but really, I think it’s just such a big deal to him to know that ya didn’t hate him, that no one he cares for does for that matter,” he continues.

“Sakusa! Shin!” they both hear. Shinsuke turns to look at the source of the voice, finding Atsumu walking to them.

“Take care of him, Sakusa, in any way that ya can,” Shinsuke says, looking resigned.

“I’m sorry,” Kiyoomi says before he could stop himself. Shinsuke smiles at him again before saying, “I didn’t mind, so long as Atsumu’s happy.”

“You deserve him, Kita-san, not me.”

“Maybe so, but things really don’t work like that, no?” Shinsuke replies.

“Hey, what are ya talkin’ about?” Atsumu asks as he approaches them. Shinsuke laughs before ruffling his hair.

“Nothin’ have a great day with Sakusa-san, yeah?” he says before walking away.

“Ya two okay?” Atsumu asks.

“Yeah, we’re good.” Kiyoomi replies.

“So, where are we goin’ again?”

“You’ll know when we get there,” Kiyoomi says, walking to the other side of the car and opening the car door for him.

“Tryna act mysterious are ya?” Atsumu jokes making Kiyoomi laugh once more.

“Are you sure you’re okay with this?” Kiyoomi asks as he wears his seatbelt.

“Yeah, I trust that ya won’t sell my organs ‘cause ye’re rich.” Kiyoomi stares at him in awe, only now realizing what Shinsuke had meant. Atsumu’s eyes seemed brighter, the bags under them were not as prominent, and his voice wasn’t as timid or monotonous as it had been months ago. The lilt in his voice was also back, not as prominent at it had been years ago, but it was there. Kiyoomi feels himself smile at the thought, Atsumu deserved to be happy again, and it makes him ecstatic to know that he was part of his recovery.

===============

When they stop in front of the building, the first thing that Atsumu notices was the paw printed on the glass door.

“No way,” he says.

“Yeah, I asked Osamu to take care of everything, your management’s already been informed, and they were pretty lenient when they found out it was for emotional support,” Kiyoomi replies, as he parks the car.

As soon as the car stops, Atsumu takes off his seatbelt, before getting out, nearly tripping over the retreating belt on his way out. “Slow down, Miya, the pets aren’t going anywhere,” Kiyoomi calls out to him.

“You’re a baby,” Atsumu coos at the tan corgi that has taken a liking to him.

“Get to choosing, Miya, they’re closing up the center for the day,” Kiyoomi tells him.

“But we weren’t even here for long?” Atsumu says, confused.

“Miya, we’ve been here for three hours,” Kiyoomi says, laughing fondly.

“What?”

“Yeah, can you choose now? If not, we can always come back,” Kiyoomi says.

“I guess, I’ll take this little one, can’t have him parted from his favorite chew-toy,” Atsumu says, pulling his finger, that the dog was gnawing at, away from the corgi in his lap. As he stands up, he sees a black cat looking at the corgi in his arms. Ducking down, the cat puts its paw up to touch the corgi’s nose, before leaning up to lick at the bottom of his mouth.

“Oh, you’re choosing him?” the worker says.

“Yeah, he’s a cutie.”

“Very much, I’m just worried for his best friend,” she says sadly.

“The cat?” Kiyoomi asks.

“Yes, they’ve been friends since they were babies.”

“We’ll take them both,” Kiyoomi says, decisively.

“Wait, we will?” Atsumu asks.

“Is that so?” she asks.

“Yeah, we can’t have our little boy being lonely,” Kiyoomi says, stroking the dog’s head.

“Okay, I’ll get all your paperwork ready, they both have complete vaccinations, so you don’t need to worry about such,” she says, leading Kiyoomi to the reception area for the papers.

Atsumu takes both animals on each arm, smiling slightly as they both nuzzle away on his sides. When they arrive back at the twins’ apartment, Osamu looks in shock at the two carriers instead of one. He had told Atsumu off for two minutes, but as soon as their new pets nuzzle at his feet, he goes soft. Osamu names the cat Oreo and Atsumu names the dog Purin (pudding).

===============

Atsumu knows that recovery was not a linear process, he will inevitably start feeling down, but as his therapist says, he should “ride it out”. She says that just because he was having a bad day today, doesn’t mean he’ll want to claw out his arms tomorrow. But that was what he had thought yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that. He was spiraling and he knew it, but really there was very little he can do. Every attempt, faking a smile, telling a joke, listening to a joke, talking to Osamu, to Shinsuke, to Kiyoomi, nothing was working.

Around him, the three were starting to worry. Despite knowing of the highs and lows of Atsumu’s recovery, they still fear every time he pushes his food away, every time he closes his door on them, and every time the bright, chipper voice fails to surface. When the duration of the “low” hits a week, Osamu decides to call Sachirou and Kourai. Making sure that Kourai didn’t have any upcoming games, they scheduled for them to come to Osaka later that day.

“Come on, Tsumu, we have to go grocery shoppin’,” Osamu says, pulling at the sheets that were wrapped around Atsumu.

“Why me?” Atsumu asks.

“Come on, then we’ll stop by that candy store ya love so much,” he suggests, pausing as Atsumu contemplates. He does a fist pump in his head, cheering a little as he begins to get up.

“Samu, what are we doin’ at the train station?” Atsumu asks as they get off Osamu’s car.

“Let’s just wait,” Osamu says, instead of answering his question. Atsumu jolts when he hears someone calling, more like yelling, his name before he almost falls as near 70 kilograms of bones and muscle crash into him.

“Atsumu! I missed you so much!” Kourai says, hugging him tightly.

“Kou, quit strangling him,” Sachirou says, approaching them.

“Hey, Osamu,” he says, nodding at Osamu.

“Come on, let’s go back so ya can talk,” Osamu says, getting into his car again.

As soon as the three were in the comfort of Atsumu’s room, Kourai turns to him and asks, “So, what happened?”

Atsumu knows he can trust them, still, no words surface. The moment he opens his mouth, a sob forces its way out of his lungs, effectively strangling him. As Atsumu grapples for air, letting out sob after sob, the two come closer to him, hugging the sobbing man from both sides. When he stops crying, he finds himself hugging Kourai close with Sachirou hugging him from behind.

“Thanks, and I’m sorry ‘bout that,” Atsumu says in a weak voice.

“Hey, hey, Atsumu, come on, none of that, okay? You know that recovery isn’t always smooth,” Kourai says.

“He’s right, this little thing is just a bump, you’re not failing, you’re doing so, so good. We’re so proud of you, look at how far you’ve gone,” Sachirou whispers in his ear.

“I love ya guys so much,” Atsumu says, before starting to cry again.

“And we love you, too. Go on, Atsumu, let go, be sad. Just because you’re recovering, doesn’t mean your emotions are invalid, specially the negatives,” Kourai continues.

“And they’re not bad emotions, sure they feel terrible, but they’re just emotions. They don’t define you, your recovery and most specially your will to recover,” Sachirou says.

“You’re strong, Atsumu, so, so strong, please never believe otherwise.” When Atsumu nods, the other two continue to hold him, letting him release the pain, the stress, the doubts. After his breakdown, he begins to smile again. His recovery wasn’t as clean as he would hope, but he was making progress and he acknowledges that, even if it was little, or huge, he was getting better, with all the important people in his life and that was all that matters to him.

Before he sleeps, he looks at his two friends, who have both fallen asleep beside him and thinks to himself, “Ma, Pa, Grandma, I hope ye’re proud of me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really hope you enjoyed that, please leave comments about what you think, both of the chapter and the work as a whole!! see you guys on chapter 12!!


	12. We Know, We Always Have

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'll say it, one day. But until then, please don't leave me, not again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hii so before i begin, i just want to thank you for reaching until this far!! i'm sure you guys see the huge difference between the quality of the chapters and i just want to say i'm really sorry for that. i had to start uni work early so i'll just finish this with little regard of the actual quality. i'll be back during our break (first week of april), to revise literally everything the story will be the same and i will just revise the structure and the actual flow. anyway, i hope you still enjoy it!!

Shinsuke sees every little change in Atsumu through his eyes, he loved his eyes since he first saw him as the impressionable first year who was skillful and passionate enough to leave his entire team behind. After being separated for years, he meets another man wearing the skin of his beloved friend, his eyes were dead and dull, a far cry from the rich chocolate brown they used to be. Now, Shinsuke thinks with a small smile on his face, his eyes are back. The sparkle that he had missed so much is making its return.

Granted, there were times when the dead stare comes back, but he’ll gladly brave through the rough patches with him, if it meant that the light would come back shining brighter than before. Today, Atsumu was out with him, telling the story of how Purin ran into a mud puddle and running all over the apartment, leaving him to clean after the dog. He was pouting the entire time Shinsuke was ordering, while the older was laughing at his suffering.

“Ya know, ya could be a bit more sympathetic,” Atsumu says.

“We already told ya not to let him out of his leash yet, and what did ya say?” Shinsuke challenges.

“That he was a good boy and didn’t need it,” he says looking down.

“He is a good boy, just a bit too hyperactive,” Shinsuke laughs. Atsumu raises his head, looking at him and nodding vigorously.

“Atsumu?” Shinsuke asks.

“Yeah?”

“May I ask ya somethin’? And please don’t be a smart ass, ya know what I mean,” he says as Atsumu opens his mouth with a smirk on his face.

“Of course,” Atsumu replies, pouting at being found out.

“What do ya feel for Sakusa? Ya already know how he feels about ya, but what about ya for him?”

“I love him,” he says with no hesitation, whatsoever.

“Even after all that happened? I don’t mean to be offensive, I’m just genuinely curious,” he adds.

“Yeah. I never stopped, Shin, and he knows this.”

“Are you two plannin’ on doin’ anythin’ about this?” Shinsuke asks.

“Not now, but frankly, I want him back, Shin. But I know I’m not in a good place right now, and he respects that.” Atsumu smiles at him. “I’m lucky to have him, and I really hope the day will come again that I can tell him I love him without worryin’ that I’m just sayin’ it because miss him,” Atsumu says.

“Do ya know when that will be?”

“What?” Atsumu asks.

“Do ya know when that time will be? Because I think, please do not think ill of me as I say this, this is just ya punishin’ yerself. Ya can tell him that ya love him, ya can be with him, ya can see him differently. Ya’ve suffered enough, Atsumu, ye’re free to love who ya wish,” Shinsuke says.

“How will I know that I’m not just usin’ him?”

“Are ya?” Shinsuke asks instead.

“No! I mean, I don’t think so.”

“Then ya have yer answer. The man loves ya more than anythin’ Atsumu. I’m not pressurin’ ya to getting’ back with him, but I know for a fact he’ll take everythin’ ya can give. Talk to him about it, yeah?”

“Will he be mad at me if I ask him if it was okay to love him?” Atsumu says.

“If I know Sakusa like I think I do, he’ll be ecstatic,” Shinsuke replies, laughing as he did so. “He already knows that ya love him, right? So why don’t ya just let it run it’s course. Don’t force yerself to say the words yet, just make sure that it’s clear to him, assure him.”

“Assure him what?”

“That ya really do love him, if ya can’t say it yet try with yer actions, I know ya cuddle up to him like a puppy to his owner,” Shinsuke says.

“Is he givin’ up on me?” he asks, starting to get insecure.

“Hey, hey, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. I meant that he misses ya Atsumu, it’s quite drainin’ to see the one ya’ve been yearnin’ for for years now yet ya can’t be with them. I just think it’ll give him a little energy boost or somethin’ like that. Do this all in yer own pace, Atsumu, don’t let my words sway ya too much. I can be wrong, I can be right, do it if ye’re comfortable with it, not because I told ya.”

“He’s comin’ over to the apartment tomorrow,” Atsumu says.

“Oh? Then hang out with him, have fun, things will proceed when the time is right, don’t force it. Also please don’t limit yerself, do what’s fun, do what makes ya happy, and if lovin’ him makes ya happy, then do that too, nothin’ should stop ya, not even yerself,” Shinsuke says. “Come on, I told Osamu I’ll get ya home before dark.”

“He’s too protective,” Atsumu mumbles.

“He has every right to be, he already lost ya once, almost permanently, I’m sure ya can understand where he’s comin’ from,” Shinsuke laughs at the pout on Atsumu’s face.

Shinsuke sees every little change in Atsumu’s eyes, but little did he know, the younger could see the same thing with him. Atsumu knew that he had caused Shinsuke a great deal of pain, and being forced to look after him, he could only thank the other for his efforts. Seeing his eyes now, ones that used to look at Atsumu with pity and pain, now looks at him with joy, both for him and Shinsuke himself. 

===============

A knock snaps Osamu from chopping the vegetables, looking up, he sees Kiyoomi walking inside the apartment. Rintarou, who was visiting for the weekend, greeted him, and directed him to Atsumu’s bedroom.

“He told me to wait in the living room,” Kiyoomi says.

“Really? Oh, no, Sam-sam! They’re gonna be disgusting again,” Rintarou says. Rintarou had become a great friend to him while they were in college, so when Atsumu “cheated” on Kiyoomi, he had been rightfully angry. Despite their history in Inarizaki, Rintarou stood firm like Osamu, that they will not tolerate any form of wrongdoing even if done by their closest friends and family. Upon knowing the truth, Rintarou had immediately went to visit Atsumu in the hospital, begging to be part of his life again and to be forgiven for what he has done. Since then, Rintarou has been trying his best to atone for what he did despite Atsumu repeatedly assuring him that he didn’t need to.

“We are not going to be disgusting,” Kiyoomu replies while blushing.

“Yeah, tell that to all the other times Tsumu slept on yer lap,” Osamu says from where he stood in the kitchen.

“It’s not my fault!”

“Sakusa!” Atsumu comes running to the room, before hugging Kiyoomi. Now, this was a habit formed from when Atsumu’s therapist suggested the idea. She had asked Atsumu what comforts him, toys, words of affirmation, affection, skin to skin contact, etc. and had instructed him to do such things unabashedly, with proper consent, of course. First it was just with Osamu, Shinsuke, and the occasional Kourai and Sachirou, but upon Rintarou’s last visit a few weeks ago, Atsumu had also taken to hugging him. The latest development, and quite possibly the worst of all, was Atsumu with Kiyoomi.

There were rarely people who can make him feel so small, Osamu was the same height as him and Sachirou and Rintarou were both a couple of hours away. But Kiyoomi, he is here, he is _always_ here. Three days into avoiding making skin to skin contact with him, Atsumu gives and rests his head onto his shoulder, not even five minutes later, he was on Kiyoomi’s lap, snuggled into him, sleeping.

“I’m joining you in the kitchen,” Rintarou tells Osamu and leaves the other two in the living room.

“Let me take a seat first,” Kiyoomi says, backing up until the back of his knees hit the chair. Still, Atsumu refused to let go, letting the taller guide him. Even after months, or even years of being held by him, Atsumu still feels immense happiness at the feeling of being dwarfed. Despite the mere two-inch height difference, their build has been far from the same since they both stopped playing.

“Miya, let me move,” Kiyoomi grumbles, finally being able to sit down despite the man wrapped around him. Atsumu raises his head to look at him, his eyes silently questioning if Kiyoomi really was uncomfortable.

“No, not that much, don’t worry, but please, let me move around, I’ll come back to you,” he says. Atsumu nods and situates himself to lie his head on Kiyoomi’s shoulder.

“You and Kita-san went out yesterday didn’t you?” Kiyoomi feels Atsumu nod against his shoulder laughing at the action.

“Are you okay?” he asks. Another nod.

“Just not up for talking?” Another nod. Kiyoomi lets him, he guesses it was one of those days. The ones where Atsumu doesn’t feel bad, but he also doesn’t feel good. It was a gray area where he was thankful that the man wasn’t crying or incapable of doing anything, but it was also a far cry from his highs. During these days, Atsumu prefers to be alone, or to be comforted with the illusion of being alone. They let him, because the last time they tried to force him to do something, he had began sobbing out of nowhere, effectively telling the others to leave him alone.

Kiyoomi was beside him during these days, and all other days in between. He’s here to hold Atsumu if he needed to be held, assure him if he needed his words, comfort him if he needed his warmth, care for him when he can’t be bothered to care for himself. Atsumu knows that Kiyoomi loves him, and he himself knows that he loves the other, so he figures, why should he wait.

Atsumu raises his head to look at Kiyoomi, the movement causes the other to look at him too. He finds it in him to smile at the dark eyes looking down on him. Kiyoomi raises an eyebrow in question, making Atsumu shake his head and bury his face into the taller’s neck. When the time is right, he will tell him, but he’s not holding himself back anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you liked that, please leave a comment on what you think about the chapter and the story as a whole, thank you so much!! see you guys on chapter 13!!


	13. Promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A promise kept is a promise worth fulfilling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heeyy so we're nearing the end so you know what that means... people and characters get the fluff and happiness they deserve!!! anyway.. please enjoy!! (also, i'll probs edit this tomorrow morning i'm too lazy to do it now lol)

“Atsumu?” Kiyoomi says. The man in question pokes his head out of the bathroom, his hair still damp from the shower and toothpaste foaming around his mouth. Kiyoomi cringes at the image, before asking him a question. “Are you free on Saturday?”

“Yeah, I have a session in the mornin’ but save for that I’ll be good, why? Oh, shit!” he mumbles around the toothbrush in his mouth, flinching as a drop nearly falls to the floor.

“Please rinse, I’m sorry to have disturbed you from brushing. Also, please do not get a toothpaste stain on my carpet,” Kiyoomi says, laughing at the other’s mumbling. It was only Atsumu’s third time sleeping over and Kiyoomi was happy that they seem to be reverting to what they were. But Atsumu’s bones poking him as he slept, the occasional flinch when there was a sudden touch. The scars on Atsumu’s wrists were still very much there, therapy was still on-going, and his trauma and self-deprecation wasn’t going away any time soon.

“Alright, I’m here, will ya be at the hospital on Saturday then?” Atsumu asks, wrapping his arms around Kiyoomi’s waist. The younger smiles to himself as Atsumu assumes his favorite position, his head nuzzled against Kiyoomi’s neck. He remembers how he first discovered this, it was their first week of their second year in college. Atsumu had a bad week and Kiyoomi had walked in on him having a breakdown inside their shared dorm room. After helping him calm down, he finds them in the position they were in now. Kiyoomi sitting against the headboard, his feet stretched in front of him, Atsumu on his lap, cuddled to him with their arms around each other.

“Yeah, I will.”

“Sakusa?” Atsumu asks after minutes of silence.

Kiyoomi hums in response before looking down and meeting the older’s eyes. “What are we?” he asks. The question makes Kiyoomi’s heart skip a beat. Of all his possible inquiries, he wasn’t prepared to be asked that. He knows his answer, but to see such uncertainty in the other’s eyes pains him. Atsumu has never been uncertain of him, he knew Kiyoomi down to the bone, he could read him like a book that he has mastered, he could speak for him without having to utter a word.

“Whatever you want us to be,” Kiyoomi replies. It was a standard answer, but he really did not want to pressure Atsumu into anything. When he pulls away, Kiyoomi fears that he said the wrong thing, and the look on his face was proof of that.

“I knew ya would say that,” he says.

“Did you want to hear something else?’ Kiyoomi asks.

“Yes, the truth, Sakusa,” Atsumu says.

“That _is_ the truth. I don’t want to force you into anything that you don’t want, Miya.”

“Ya still call me that,” Atsumu whispers.

“Do you want me to call you something else?” he asks.

“Ya know my name,” he replies.

“And you know mine…” he pauses. “Atsumu.” His heart starts beating erratically as if it was the first time he had called him that. And maybe it was, after years of getting used to calling Atsumu by his surname, it was such a foreign concept to him to call him by that again.

“Kiyoomi,” Atsumu says.

“That’s not what you call me, Atsu,” Kiyoomi says, leaning his forehead to touch Atsumu’s.

“Omi,” Atsumu whispers.

“Atsu.”

“Omi.”

“Atsu.” One of Kiyoomi’s hand comes up to caress at Atsumu’s cheek. Atsumu takes his hand in his and holds it in a firm but featherlight grip.

“What do ya really want, Omi?” Atsumu asks again.

“I want to be yours again, I want what we used to have, I want to be able to hold you, to kiss you, to tell you I love you. But I know you’ll force yourself to give me what I ask. So, this is what I really want, I want you happy, Atsu, and whatever you want us to be, if it will make you happy, then I will give it to you,” Kiyoomi says.

“What if I tell ya that ya don’t have to hold back?”

“Then I’ll be ecstatic. And if we are going to do this, if you really are going to let me do these things, can you promise me one thing?” Atsumu nods. “Tell me if you really want it, not because I want to. I trust you to do the things you’re doing now, telling us when you need to be alone, when you need comfort, and I expect you to do these things if you allow me to be more affectionate with you.”

“I will, don’t worry about it,” Atsumu promises.

“Promise?”

“Yes, now kiss me ya fucker,” he says. Kiyoomi laughs but pulls Atsumu closer by his waist, a hand coming up to cup his cheek.

“Is this okay?” Kiyoomi asks.

“If ya don’t get it on I swear to all the gods ye’re gonna-” He gets cut off as another pair of lips touch his, lasting only a second, Kiyoomi pulls away before resting their heads together again. Atsumu then starts whining making Kiyoomi laugh before pulling him close again. This time, the kiss lasts for more than a few seconds before Kiyoomi pulls away, smiling as he looks into Atsumu’s eyes.

“I missed you so much,” he says.

“I missed ya too,” Atsumu replies. Even as they lay down for the night, neither of them got enough sleep, because as soon as one starts to close his eyes, the other would give them a kiss.

===============

Kiyoomi was standing outside the door where Atsumu’s therapy session was being held, he knew he was around five minutes early, and he may or may not have rushed a meeting just to get to the door early. As soon as the knob starts to turn, he raises his attention from his phone, but instead of Atsumu, out comes his therapist.

“Oh, Dr. Sakusa, did you need anything?” she asks.

“Ah, no, is Ats- I mean Miya, is he still inside?” Kiyoomi asks.

“Oh yes, we just finished a session, he’s just talking to his brother. Did you need something with him?”

“Yeah, uh, is it alright if I go inside?” Kiyoomi says nodding to the door.

“Of course, who am I to hold back the owner,” she says, laughing.

“Thank you,” Kiyoomi replies as he enters the room. There he finds Atsumu sitting on one of the couches, pouting as he argues with Osamu over the phone.

“No, I will not get ya that many!” he says. Upon seeing Kiyoomi, the pout disappears, a grin replacing its place on his face.

“I’m goin’ Samu, three packs, that’s enough,” Atsumu says before ending the call and not giving the other a chance to reply.

“Hey, what day is it?” Kiyoomi asks. Despite calling him as he went to the hospital, he still made it a habit to make sure that Atsumu was alright with everything before he moves to do anything else.

“Fine, nothin’ too bad, don’t worry ‘bout it,” Atsumu replies.

“Tell me the truth.”

“Alright, fine, I was a bit down earlier, but I promise I’m fine now. Don’t give me that look!” Atsumu protests eyeing the Kiyoomi’s expression.

“Maybe we should just have a stay-in date,” Kiyoomi suggests.

“No, I’m not glass Omi, I can handle a bad day if ever I have one, which I highly doubt, and if I do have a bad day while we’re out, I trust ya to help me through it,” Atsumu assures him.

“Promise me?”

“Of course,” Atsumu replies. “Now let’s go, I know it’s a picnic.”

“How did you know?” Kiyoomi asks.

“Ya only wear skinny jeans when ye’re goin’ out for a long time, Omi. I know how comfortable ya are in them,” he retorts.

“You noticed that?”

“Of course, from what I can see, ye’re wearin’ a sweater, so I’m guessin’ we’re stayin’ until night, outdoors, either on a beach or on a hill cause ye’re wearin’ sneakers instead of yer usual boots.”

“Does nothing get past you?” he asks.

“Somethin’s do, but not much when it comes to ya. I think ya forget that I had a crush first,” Atsumu replies laughing.

“No, you didn’t, I did,” Kiyoomi protests.

“What? I liked ya since first year of college,” he says.

“I liked you since second year,” Kiyoomi says.

“See! I told ya!”

“Second year of high school,” he clarifies.

“Why did I not know this?” Atsumu asks looking down as he feels a blush rise on his cheeks.

“I didn’t want to say it back then, ‘cause let’s be honest, high school you wasn’t really an ideal person to have a crush on. Plus you’d hold it over me if I had told you back then.”

“So ya mean to tell me that we could have been datin’ since our first year?” he says.

“I mean, when you put it that way, then yes,” Kiyoomi says, avoiding the other’s stare.

“Let’s just go, come on, we wouldn’t want the food getting cold in the car.” Kiyoomi takes Atsumu’s hand and begins pulling him to the parking lot.

===============

“So, I didn’t realize how accurate I’d have predicted this,” Atsumu replies, laughing at the thick black blanket in his arms and the two baskets of food in Kiyoomi’s hands. They were currently hiking up the hill, their car parked at the foot of it. The clouds created the perfect shade for their hike, but still keeping them warm amidst the mid-April chill.

“Alright, just set it there, and we’ll unravel it, you take one side and I take the other,” Kiyoomi says, setting the baskets down under the tree. Atsumu walks a bit of a distance away to make sure they don’t lie on any of its roots before handing one side of the blanket to Kiyoomi.

As soon as the blanket was laid down, Kiyoomi begins bringing out food one-by-one. Western food, he notes. Kiyoomi has prepared stereotypical western food for them, where in the world did he even get that idea from?

“Why the burgers and, is that a pizza?” Atsumu asks, laughing at the two small boxes that Kiyoomi pulls out from the basket.

“Well, you said the other day that you were craving junk food, and Osamu wasn’t letting you eat anything too unhealthy, so I thought I’d give you a bit of a break,” Kiyoomi says, laughing at the other’s sour expression.

“Ya’d think he was feedin’ an oldie and not someone in their mid-twenties,” Atsumu grumbles. “Wait, it that why ya wanted to cancel the date?”

“Yeah, because if you were already going through a bad day, why should I add to it by feeding you junk food,” he admits.

“Omi, I can handle this. I think ya remember how I ramen-ed my way through college,” Atsumu says while laughing.

“I know but…” Kiyoomi trails off.

“I’ll tell ya okay, if anythin’ happens, then we don’t do this again. We’ll face Samu and Shin’s wrath and lectures together, okay?” Atsumu says, making Kiyoomi nod.

“Oh, is that a cake?”

“Yeah, is it still your favorite?” Kiyoomi asks, holding out the container with cake.

“Is everythin’ strawberry?”

“The cake, the icing, there’s strawberry jam and slices between layers and the icing isn’t sadly, it’s just vanilla whipped icing,” Kiyoomi says.

“I love it, and ya still remembered how I like it, where did ya even buy a thing so loaded with strawberries?” Atsumu asks.

“I didn’t buy it,” he confesses.

“What?”

“Kanoka taught me to bake while I was in Australia, and since then, I’ve been stress-baking every after exams, specially if the results take so long to come out. That’s actually my favorite cake to make because it reminds me so much of you,” Kiyoomi continues.

Atsumu sets the cake down, before carefully getting on Kiyoomi’s lap. The younger raises an eyebrow in question, his hands going to either side of Atsumu’s waist, steadying him.

“I waited so long to tell ya this, but I know now’s the perfect time. I love ya, I love ya so much, I never stopped. All the years I was alone, all that time ya were away, all the times when I thought ya hated me, I still loved ya. And even until now, that I get to have ya again, I love ya, I love ya so, so, much,” Atsumu whispers to him. He stares into Kiyoomi’s eyes, seeing the emotion flashing through them. First was surprise, then realization, then ecstasy, then the tears came.

One by one, tears started to fall from Kiyoomi’s eyes making Atsumu panic that he had said something wrong. The hands on his waist prevent him from moving away so Atsumu just lets the other hold him. After a few minutes, Kiyoomi raises his head, the tear-stained face and the swollen eyes making Atusmu’s chest clench.

“Are ya okay? Did I say somethin’ bad?” he asks.

“No, no, you said something that I’ve been waiting for, for years now.” Atsumu smiles at him and he smiles back. Unbeknownst to Kiyoomi, his promise from earlier and from a few days ago weren’t the only promises he was fulfilling today. Some time two years ago, Atsumu had vowed to himself, to tell Kiyoomi he loves him when he comes back. He didn’t mind that Kiyoomi hated him, he will tell him again, and once he does, forgiveness, or hostility, whatever he got, he will let him decide. Atsumu’s love has always been his after all, it was only right that he gets the privilege to use it as he wishes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you liked that, please leave a comment about what you think of the chapter or the story as a whole!! see you guys n chapter 14!!


	14. Tadaima

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okaeri

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hii so i'm gonna be updating this on monday so if you don't want to read it with the shitty sentence structure and typos, please just come back on monday 😅 also, the content will be a bit triggering so i will put a partition where it begins and ends (!!!!!!!!!!)

Atsumu jumps as he feels arms wrap around his waist while he was cooking breakfast. The figure then begins to nuzzle at his neck, letting him relax into his hold. He laughs as the man starts to nibble on his skin. “For fuck’s sake,” Atsumu hears from behind him. Osamu wears a disgusted expression as he watches the two in the kitchen.

“Please wait until ye’re alone before ya defile my brother,” he says, fake gagging as Kiyoomi merely flips him off continuing his assault on Atsumu’s neck.

“Happy Anniversary,” he whispers into his neck.

“What? It’s still in a few days isn’t it?” Atsumu says.

“You don’t remember?” Atsumu raises an eyebrow at him before Kiyoomi pulls away. The taller has something in his hands, and was about to give it to him had Osamu not stopped them.

“Go to the livin’ room, I’m not gonna eat burnt eggs just cause ya decide that ye’re gonna be sappy. Leave! Out!” he says, playfully shoving at the two.

“Well, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted,” Kiyoomi says, purposely shouting the last part for Osamu to hear.

“Did you remember where you left your ring?” Kiyoomi asks.

“I left it at yer apartment, didn’t I? Even before the incident,” Atsumu replies.

“Yeah, well…” Kiyoomi trails off, before taking Atsumu’s hand in his.

“Omi,” he says, realizing where this was going.

“Wait, no, I’m not proposing, I swear. But can you let me say something first?” he asks. Atsumu nods in response, pulling at his hands and seating them down.

“First, let me just say, this has been the best year of my life. I thought my best year was the first one I spent with you, and yet, like every other time before, you never fail to surprise me. I lived more than four years without you and every single day of that, I knew I was losing myself bit by bit. With some sick satisfaction, when I saw you again, cleaning up in Onigiri Miya when I came back from Australia, I was happy? Smug? That you seemed to be as troubled as I am.

“When I found out the real reason why, I began blaming myself for not noticing, for doubting you, in my efforts to preserve my pride, I had forgotten one of the most valuable things in my life. Kanoka couldn’t help me, Wakatoshi couldn’t help me, all I could do was blame myself, thinking everyday how it was unfair, how I was unfair to them. I used Kanoka for a year to cover the fact that I was hurting. I used Wakatoshi’s feelings as an excuse to be busy. All because I can’t get over the guilt of leaving you. All because I didn’t give you another chance, because I didn’t hear your explanation, because I let my feelings get in the way.

“There were times that I’d stare awake at the ceiling wondering what I did wrong, why I was never enough for you, why you never even told me that I was giving you less than what you felt like you deserved. I wanted to go back to Japan, I’ve repeatedly scrolled through online bookings, hoping that I’d get the courage to actually push through with it. But I never did, call me a coward for choosing to preserve what little dignity I have left, but it hurt me so much to know that the person I love, the one I value more than a lot of things, deemed me as insufficient.

“I wanted to confront you, I wanted to get back with you even after what you did. But I know I couldn’t, I always thought to myself that if there was a time that I would make you unhappy, I would let you go because you’d be better off without me. I’m sorry I left you suffering for so long…” Kiyoomi pauses, trying to calm his breathing.

“Omi, let’s go to my room,” Atsumu says, pulling him by his hands.

“Do ya have anythin’ else to say?” Atsumu asks, as the sit on the bed. Kiyoomi shakes his head no, then Atsumu cups his cheeks, putting their foreheads together.

“I didn’t know ya were sufferin’ that bad, I honestly thought it would be easy for ya to replace me. When ya came back, I envied ya, how seemingly easy it had been for ya to move on. While here I was, on suicide watch, with severe depression and abandonment issues. And please, don’t be sorry, don’t be guilty that ya never saw anythin’. That ya never did anythin’ because I didn’t do anythin’ much either. I could have told ya and solved the problem together, yet I let my fear take over. I let yer mother tell me that I wasn’t enough for ya, I believed her instead of ya.

“I too am sorry for everythin’ for all the mistakes I made, for all the things I didn’t do, for all the things I never told ya. I’m sorry for all the pain I caused ya, for the doubts I’ve led ya to believe. I know my words won’t bring anything’ back, but please, let me take care of ya too. I took all yer help unabashedly for the past year and a half, so will ya take mine? Will ya let me assure ya? Will ya let me tell ya again, how much ya mean to me, how much I care about ya, how much I love ya? Will ya please, let me have that again?” Kiyoomi nods, wrapping his arms around Atsumu’s frame. The other follows the movement, getting on Kiyoomi’s lap, and putting his head against his shoulder.

The fabric of his clothes start getting wetter, making Atsumu’s heart clench. Kiyoomi had been there for him, he had assured him every day, he had helped him through the rough patches. He was part of the reason why, nearly two years later, he finds himself smiling again at the most random times. Now he will be there for him, he will assure him, provide for him, comfort him in any way that Kiyoomi needed him.

“I love ya, so much,” Atsumu says into his hair.

“What did ya mean to tell me earlier? About the ring?” Atsumu asks once he feels the other breathing normally.

Kiyoomi pulls away, smiling shyly at him. “Sorry, I got a bit carried away there,” he says, making Atsumu shake his head.

“It’s alright, Omi. Do it as many times as ya need, I’ll help ya through it all,” Atsumu says, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear.

“About the ring,” Kiyoomi begins. He moves to take something from his pocket before giving it to Atsumu. It was the very ring that he had left during his last night in Kiyoomi’s apartment in Tokyo.

“Ya still kept it?” Atsumu asks.

“It belongs to you after all,” he replies. Atsumu smiles at him, before Kiyoomi tugs them both down to lay on the bed.

“Can I ask you something?” Kiyoomi asks.

“Of course,” he says.

“Have you ever told anyone about that day?”

“Which one?” Atsumu wonders out loud.

“The day…” he pauses. “When Hoshiumi found you.”

“Oh.”

“You don’t have to tell me, I just realized how inconsiderate the question was. I’m sorry,” Kiyoomi says.

“It’s fine, I’m a bit scared to tell ya though,” he says.

“Don’t, no, it’s fine, Atsu, you don’t have to tell me.”

“I want to,” Atsumu whispers. Kiyoomi nods for him to go on, and he takes a deep breath before beginning the story.

!!!!!!!!!!

“So, the thoughts started around three to four months before the day. I was goin’ about my day normally, I didn’t even know when exactly it started, all I knew was that I woke up one day, wishin’ to leave. I tried thinkin’ of runnin’ away then shot the idea down ‘cause they’d find me anyway. Then I thought of leavin’ the country, but then I don’t have anywhere to go. I didn’t know what I wanted to happen, just that I wanna leave.

“Then it hit me, one day, I was walkin’ around with Shin and Sachi’s dog and I saw an ambulance. I thought immediately that maybe I wanted to me the one inside it. I shrugged it off at first, thinkin’ it was just another random thought. Weeks later, I was walkin’ with Shin again, we were headin’ grocery shoppin’ I couldn’t remember what he was sayin’ or what he was talkin’ about. And that was my first, attempt as ya would call it. I saw a truck speedin’ down the road and I thought, _I should just go, it’s one step right?_ I almost did, but Shin stopped me.

“He told me I was gonna get myself killed and wasn’t that the point? I wanted to, I wanted to be gone, the letters were already done. Until I realized there was somethin’ missin’. I didn’t have a letter for ya. So when I was alone in the apartment, I took one of the knives inside the kitchen, made a few cuts then began writin’ yer letter. Well, ya saw how I said goodbye to ya, I put the letters down and went ahead. After that, I made a few much deeper cuts, then lied down on the tub. Once I started to feel lightheaded, I smiled, I remember that. I remember that I smiled and I said somethin’ that even until now, I can’t believe that I said.”

“Can you tell me?” Kiyoomi asks.

“Yeah. I said, “Maybe another time, Mama, Papa, Grandma, Omi, I promise to do better next time”. That was supposed to be my last words, and no one would have heard them,” Atsumu says.

!!!!!!!!!!

===============

“So, are we still on for today?” Osamu asks, upon seeing the two cuddling inside Atsumu’s room.

“What?” Atsumu asks.

“I actually have another surprise for you for our anniversary. Do you want to push through with it?” Kiyoomi says.

“I want to, but can I know what it is?”

“Well, let’s just say, it’s the reason we met,” Kiyoomi suggests smiling at him, the light that shines in Atsumu’s eyes was the only sign he needed.

Osamu opens the gym door, groaning as he feels the duffle bag on his shoulder starting to fall. Atsumu starts laughing at him, before helping him open the door. As soon as they walk in and after changing their shoes, Atsumu gets tackled to the ground, just like every single time the culprit has come to visit.

“Atsumu!” the boisterous voice yells into his ear. He cringes at the volume, laughing at Kourai’s teary eyes.

“Hey, Kourai, nice to see ya again,” Atsumu says, smiling at him.

“Hey, Atsumu,” Sachirou says, pulling him into a hug of his own. As Atsumu looks around, he finds a few more people he knows. Around him stood Shinsuke, Motoya, Rintarou, Tetsurou, Koutarou, and surprisingly, Wakatoshi.

“Not that I don’t like seein’ all the old rivals, but why are they here? Specially Ushijima, isn’t he supposed to be in America or somethin’?” Atsumu asks.

“It’s the off-season, Atsu. And Wakatoshi is in Poland and not America,” Kiyoomi says, laughing at him.

“Whatever, geology was never my strong suit,” Atsumu says.

“Oh, my god. It’s geography, Atsu,” Kiyoomi corrects him, laughing before giving him a kiss on his cheek.

“Oi, why?”

“You’re just so cute,” Kiyoomi says.

“So, should we play?” Getting sounds of agreement, they begin to group themselves into teams. After much debate, the teams end up as follows: Wakatoshi, Sachirou, Tetsurou, Koutarou, and Kiyoomi on one team; and Atsumu, Osamu, Rintarou, Kourai, and Motoya on the other; while Shinsuke was going to play as their referee. Atsumu thinks that his team has a pretty good chance at winning, and the thought alone is making him smile extremely hard.

They have now been playing for an hour now, and Atsumu could feel his muscles starting to ache. It was such a nostalgic feeling that had him wishing that he had continued playing professionally. But he knows he can’t at least, not now, and not in the way that he will play as hard as the five monsters on the court. He was surprised, however, to find Osamu and Tetsurou able to keep up with the professionals considering he knows how seldom the two workout.

“Oi! Samu! If ya don’t aim it in bounds ye’re _so_ gonna hear it from me!” Atsumu says, when Osamu steps back to serve. Atsumu turns back to the net, waiting patiently, but the whistle doesn’t come. He looks back to his brother and finds him with his head ducked down, his forefinger and thumb pressed against both his closed eyes.

Tetsurou and Koutarou, who were both in front of him, begin laughing. “Aw, is our little Osamu getting emotional?” Tetsurou says, laughing with Koutarou.

“Shut up!” he says, yet he was obviously crying.

“Oi, ya idiot, what’s this about?” Atsumu asks, approaching Osamu.

“Let’s just go! Kita-san! The whistle please!” At his request, Shinsuke blows the whistle, signaling for him to perform his serve. Atsumu doesn’t know what caused it, lack of practice, the earlier crying, the frustration, but the ball sails over their heads and the heads of their opponents before hitting the wall.

“Oi! Samu, What’s with that crappy serve?” Atsumu yells at him.

“I’d like to see ya do better,” Osamu snarks back.

“And I will! I’ll blow yer as to the ground!” Osamu pauses, before smiling at him. He begins walking closer to him. When he doesn’t stop to reassume his receiving position, Atsumu asks nervously, “Oi, what’s with ya?”

Still saying nothing, Osamu now stand a few inches away from his brother. With very little warning, Atsumu gets pulled into his brother’s arms. He could feel the fabric on his shoulder starting to get wet, making him tear up as well.

“Oi, ya idiot, what’s goin’ on?” Atsumu asks, with a wobble in his voice. Osamu meets Kiyoomi’s eyes from across the net, and smiles at him. He maintains eye-contact for a few seconds before mouthing “Thank you” to him, once again burying his face into Atsumu’s shoulder. The two remain happily oblivious to the other people in the gym, smiling at them.

Atsumu pulls away first, looking Osamu directly in the eyes. Atsumu smiles at him before saying, “I’m back.” Osamu returns his smile, hugging him again before whispering into his ear, “Welcome back.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really hope you liked that! please leave a comment about what you think of the work and the chapter and i'll see you guys on the last chapter tomorrow!!!


	15. Happy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pride, success, victory, family, and other things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'tis the end my loves!! thank you to all those that supported this brainfart turned multiple chapter fic hahahahaha so for the last time in a while ('cause uni's starting tomorrow halp) enjoy!!
> 
> come yell at me on twt @/BabuBlep (there are also /a lot/ of threads about sakuatsu here and no i'm not asking for a follow lol, i just wanna share brainfarts)

Two years later, Atsumu finds himself standing on a stage where he had stood before. Tokyo Arena, Spring High, center court, the final round. On the other side of the court was a school that feeds his nostalgia infinitely, Karasuno, the black horse that had beaten them on their first game when he was a second year. It was nice to see that despite the longevity of his time “away” from the volleyball scene, their competence didn’t fade.

As he goes to shake the coaches’ hands, the eyes of the coach with glasses widening at the sight of him. “So, it is true,” he says, making Atsumu laugh. He gets it a lot, even he had been shocked at the turnout. A year and a half ago, Atsumu had decided that he wanted to return to volleyball, not as player, but as a coach. So he started to volunteer at the local center in Osaka. During a reunion with his old team, the topic of the Inarizaki volleyball team had come up. Hitoshi had told him that their alma mater needed a new assistant coach, so he applied. When he got the position, he moved back to Amagasaki, to their childhood home, Kiyoomi following him soon after.

“Yes, sir,” he replies. “Let’s have a good game.” They bow as the whistle blows, the announcer listing out the names of the players. He missed this so much.

===============

Kiyoomi, on the other hand, had fully inherited all the hospitals under their family name. His father had retired three months ago and had started dating a new woman a year before, one that loved his father, uncaring of the riches and the companies. Apparently, she had been disowned because she got pregnant as a teenager, she experienced miscarriage because she was unable to care for her baby. She then went back to school and finished college with a psychology degree at twenty-five. But she didn’t stop there, she went to pursue post-graduate studies and had become a practicing psychiatrist at twenty-nine. Her name? Hora Kazumi.

Kiyoomi loves her, she had not only helped his father, but also his love. After three years of working with Atsumu, giving him the medication he needs and the therapy that comes with it, he was better than he was before. Kiyoomi now sees the man he loved back then, but it was a far better version of him. The man in front of him was stronger, braver, bolder, to say a few. With each passing day, he could only fall deeper and deeper for him.

When Atsumu had told him that he wanted to come back to volleyball, he had not expected him to be a coach. It wasn’t too late for him to play professionally after all. But Atsumu had assured him repeatedly that he was happy to be a coach, it turns out, so long as he showed people how much he loved volleyball, with all the care and grace that he had since he was a child, it would be enough.

Now, he was standing in the audience, his father and his new mother, yes he had already accepted her to that extent, cheering for Inarizaki as Atsumu stood from the sidelines as their adviser. Kiyoomi begins to boo as the blocker from Karasuno kills the ball, not even giving a chance to the receiver of Inarizaki, Tomio and Kazumi begin to laugh at him fondly.

At the end of the game, Atsumu stands by his team, proudly beaming at the cameras and the audience. It was his first time as their head coach, and he had led them not only to the finals, but also to victory. After the ceremony, Atsumu was greeted by Shinsuke, hugging him, before ruffling his hair. Kiyoomi pulls his father and his mother aside, letting the two have their time alone.

“We did it, Shin,” Atsumu says.

“We did, Atsumu,” he replies.

“Did I make ya proud, senpai?” Atsumu asks. Shinsuke stands shellshocked at the statement before burying his face into his hands.

“Oi! Shin?!”

“Ya made me proud Atsumu, ya do every day,” he says, raising his head, showing the tear falling from his eyes.

“I love ya, Shin. Thank ya for everythin’,” Atsumu says, hugging him again.

“I love ya too, Atsumu. And I’d gladly help ya all over again, in any way that ya need,” Shinsuke says.

“Although maybe I should help ya now,” Atsumu pulls away laughing.

“Oh, yeah?”

“I’ll help ya find the perfect shade of concealer,” Atsumu says before pointing to his own neck. Shinsuke’s hand shoots up to cover the mark but the damage has already been done. He punches Atsumu lightly on the stomach, the younger laughing harder at the dark red blush on his face.

“Oi. What did ya do to him?” a man says coming near him. His hand finds Shinsuke’s waist, pulling him closer and giving him a kiss on his lips.

“Hello, Aran, my best friend! Please refrain from leavin’ hickeys where it’s visible when ya plan on goin’ out, thank ya!” Atsumu says, before walking toward Kiyoomi and his family.

“Omi! Did ya see my students? They were so good! I told ya we’d win!” Atsumu says. Kiyoomi stares at him in awe, at the bright smile on his face. Looking closer, he sees not Atsumu wearing white sweatpants and a white jacket, he sees him clad in a maroon jacket, in his black number one jersey.

“And you helped them through it, congratulations, love,” Kiyoomi says, kissing his cheek.

Atsumu turns his attention to Kiyoomi’s family and says, “Oh! Tomio-san, Kazumi-san, I didn’t know ya were gonna come.”

“It’s your first championship, Atsumu, of course we’d be here. Now let’s go, we have a feast waiting when we get home,” Tomio says, leading them to the exit.

===============

“Sit down, Atsumu, don’t worry, I’m nothing like Mari,” Tomio says, gesturing to one of the armchairs in his office.

“Before anything else, I would like to personally apologize to you, for what she had done. Really, had I known what she was capable of, I would have saved you and my son that much suffering, I would have saved myself as well,” he says, laughing bitterly.

“Nevertheless, what’s done is done, what’s passed is past. I would also like to thank you. I saw how unhappy Kiyoomi was when he was away from you, but I really couldn’t do anything because Mari kept telling me that she will do all that she needed to, and I let her. I blindly followed her as she manipulated me and my family. I’m very sorry that you had to be part of the damage that she had done.

“I would also like to thank you. I know our separation wasn’t easy for Kiyoomi, and he didn’t have any other close, literally and figuratively, family that he can turn to. Despite all your own challenges, you chose to help my son. I see each time I converse with him, how happy he is with you, and it truly is one of the best things for a parent. For everything that you have ever done for my son, I am eternally grateful. Because of this, I would like to give you a little something in return.” Tomio stands up and walks to a small box in the corner of the office. The box was on top of a low table with two pictures framed on either side of it. He takes it in his hands before looking at Atsumu and motioning for him to come closer.

“Atsumu, meet my parents,” he says, gesturing to the two pictures.

“My father died in a plane crash, forcing me to inherit all we have at age eighteen, as I was the only son; my mother was forty at that time. When he died, she was diagnosed severe depression months later, nearly a decade later, she committed suicide. I was devastated, when I found out what had happened to you and what you’ve been through…” Atsumu flinches.

“I feared for Kiyoomi, I didn’t want him to hurt because of that. I know how much it hurts, how much regret one will feel when the person they love was in so much pain driving them to take their own lives. Call me selfish, but I’m happy you lived, not only because you lived through it but because you’ve saved Kiyoomi from that anguish. I was ecstatic to find that you also overcame your depression, you prove to me, to everyone, time and time again, that you are strong. Let me tell you a little something, your strength alone has convinced me that there’s no one else for my son than you.”

Atsumu looks to him in shock, Tomio smiles at him before he asks, “I’m worthy of Kiyoomi? I deserve him?”

“You do, and nothing, not what I think, not what anyone else thinks, not what anyone has done, not what you have done or what you have experienced, can take that away. I don’t see you as worthy because you’re coaching a great team, or because you’ve finished university, I see you as worthy because no one, and I mean no one, has ever made Kiyoomi as happy as you have. So, please, take this.” Tomio opens the box, taking something out. The older takes Atsumu’s hand, placing the object in his hand.

It was a ring, a beautiful ring at that. It was a fairly thin ring, its middle was studded with diamonds, inside the name 佐久早 (Sakusa) was engraved. “I can’t take this,” Atsumu says. He tries to put the ring back into Tomio’s hand, but he stops him, laughing slightly.

“Yes, you can, and you will,” he says.

“But, why me?”

“Why not you? There have been many failed marriages in our family, Atsumu. Please do not let my son be part of one of them. I know it’s a lot to ask, but will you please, take care of my son for me?” Atsumu swallows the lump in his throat, nodding to Tomio.

“I will, I promise, with all I can,” Atsumu replies.

“Welcome to the family, son,” Tomio says.

“Thank you, Tomio-san.”

“That’s not what you’re really calling me is it?” he says, smirking.

“No, it’s not, father?” Atsumu tries.

“Welcome back, son.” Atsumu freezes as he hugs him, his arms remain resting on his sides before being raised to hug the man back.

When Kiyoomi hears about what his father did, he stands up, livid and shouts, “No! You are not making him into a Sakusa!”

“What?” his father says, confused at the outburst.

“You are not wearing that on your finger, you’re not becoming a Sakusa. _I_ am taking your surname,” Kiyoomi says, finally.

“Well, how can I say no to that? And please, Omi, try not to give me a heart attack next time,” Atsumu says laughing.

“Why? I mean, I like the idea, but why did you want to take Atsumu’s name?” Kazumi asks.

“Atsumu doesn’t have any family left, there’s only him and his brother, and I want to change that,” Kiyoomi replies smiling at Atsumu. He walks to Kiyoomi, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend’s waist. He hides his face into Kiyoomi’s shoulder, and for the first time in a long time, he cries because of genuine happiness, not from mixed emotions, not from side-effects, not from anything else, just pure unadulterated happiness. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so that was Saudade, again, thank you so so so so so so so so much!!! see you guys on the next work!!


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